Jokes / Joke du jour!

Just switched energy provider and got to throw this into real world conversation with my wife. She didn't get it straight away but now hates me. Thanks.

Living the dream.

Are you prepared for this bad spell of wether?

Ha

A weasel walks into a bar.

The bartender looks up, and says, "Wow, in all my years tending the bar, I've never had a weasel* drop in. What can I get you?"

"Pop!" goes the weasel.

*Of course, the bartender had no problems identifying the animal, as they're weaselly recognisable.

Although often confused with stoats, which is odd because in actual fact they are stoatally different.

Was his name Marten?

What otter bollocks.

Now now, don't badger him.

he didn't have any cash to pay for his pop. when he asked for it on tick, he told the barman that he is good ferret

Badger me these puns r shit. 😎

What's a psychiatrist's favourite Bollywood song?

My Name is Lacan.

I don't get it.

We mustelid those puns get out of hand

Bloke walks into a bar, See's a dog sitting on a bar stool. Dog shouts to the bartender, "pint of mild when you're ready Dave." The blokes astonished... says "you could make a fortune in the circus" dog says, "what would a circus want with a plasterer?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWv7mZ3HcnQ

What is a Punjabi’s favourite party food?

Nachos!

I went to the doctors today and he took a look at my x-ray and said "oh no, that's just what I was afraid of!"
Worried, I said "what is it?"
He replied "skeletons!"

I went to see a doctor about my Sinead O'Connor obsession. She asked how long I'd felt like this, and I said, "It's been 7 hours and 15 days."

1/10

Tsooooooper. #Schtolen.

So I'm 41 and I have a 23 year old girlfriend.
Tonight in a restaurant I was subjected to an evening of people shouting 'pedo', 'dirty old bastard', 'you should be fuckin ashamed!'
Completely ruined our 10 year anniversary it has.

Boast post?

Oh, just realised the thread.