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@Hairingtons
What a fantastic read.
At uni, (many years ago) a guy in our house used to spit greenies on the ceiling, so thick they'd just freeze there. In suspended animation. He also burnt some barbie dolls and hung them from the ceiling. And injected horse steroids.
Another guy shit in the bog, in FULL KNOWLEDGE that the bog was broke and wouldn't flush. He denied it was him, making us all think it was the one girl who lived with us. Then watched and laughed as me and the other lad evacuated the massive turd using tore up cereal boxes. Bastard.
And I once puked up a perfect circle of vomit. It was amazing. Then I vacuumed it up with our only vacuum cleaner. Rendering it unusable forever more, cos it reeked so bad.
PS - Just get a professional cleaner, send him the invoice.