This morning's commute and other commuting stories

Must be able to get the equivalent of a cow catcher for the front of a pushchair???

Passing some parked cars so in the middle of the road, pretty much on the white line. Just after I'm turning right so I stay where I was and signal I'm turning right. There's a car behind me and judging by his engine note he's going to overtake, something which really boils my piss. I turn and give him the look, nothing more. He gets the message finally and slows, I turn right he carries on, shouting at me as he does. I didn't hear what he said but still shouted fuck off. He stops the car and crosses the road towards me, as I am locking my bike up outside the Co-Op. He asks what I said, I said if you didn't hear why did you stop? Oh and it was fuck off. He then tells me there's no need for the language and at that point I genuinely felt bad, as I didn't hear what he said and so apologised, citing that usually when shouted at its abusive.

I really wish I didn't apologise because he then proceeded to harangue me for ten minutes. He told me he didn't see me because I was wearing black, and that my rear light is small (it isn't), and that he had a bad day (so had I), I told him I was in the middle of the road, in the full glare of his lights and my light isn't small and that I'm wearing a bright blue backpack. Then he decided he'd threaten me with smashing my face in, I replied I had a D-Lock in my hands, he said what are you going to do then, I said if you try to smash my face in you will find out. After more pleasantries he went back to his car, saying next time he would just hit me with it. I went into the Co-Op.

Life lesson: don't automatically say fuck off if someone shouts something at you you don't hear, however the probability is that the bloke who shouted at you is a massive bellend. What he did yell at me was something about not seeing me because of my clothes. That fucked me off because yes I was in dark clothing but was right in front of him in the road, and had a pulsating PDW rear light which is very bright. So I reckon there is a possibility that Mr Bad day didn't see me, was about to go up my rear when the look I gave him made him notice me, so was using the old 'I didn't see you guv' as an excuse for bad or distracted driving, and misdirecting his guilt onto me.

Either that of I really annoyed him telling him to fuck off.

Set him on fire, the cunt.

This thread is premium. Good work all round. A lot of the posts are hilarious/illuminating. As you were.

I did the next best thing: followed him home and took a shit on his bonnet

Then nailed him to his own lawn using co-op frozen sausages?

I've heard that confrontation can lead to passionate love making but I'm not sure, oh, nailed him TO his lawn.

Yesterday I tailed a Deliveroo cyclist for a quarter mile then went to overtake and he pedalled FURIOUSLY to beat me to a corner.

Sounds like a typical cunt that can't take what he gives out. Then thinks that more violence is the way to get his point across.

Prob went home had a go at his wife then wanked off thinking how much of a man he is when in reality the reason why he had such a bad day is that he is just another piece of shit human that no one gives a fuck about and that annoys him endlessly as he thinks he deserves more but doesn't get the respect he wants.

He'll die sad and lonely so it's not all bad.

Sounds to me like you just got beaten in a bike race.

Was he carrying one of them big square bags? That would be really embarrassing for you if he was.

Even though I woke up 20min before my alarm I was running late for the gym so headed to the A4.
Got a thumbs up from a motorbike that didn't actually seem sarcastic. Assume he was of the 2-wheel-good crew. I was just getting in some 'Romania training'. Then I crushed all my PBs. Beefcake.

So a couple of weeks after having my lights stolen outside sainsburys, I'm once again in sainsburys with my bike locked up across the road (d-locked frame only but I now have a pair of halo hex skewers rather than quick release).

Having been in there for like 5/6 mins, I make my way to the til and glance out the window. I see two youngish dudes (around my age - 24) right by my bike. It's like 25 metres or so away from me, but I can clearly see that one is fiddling with something on the front of the bike (which is facing away from me) with his head down and the other is looking around.

The blood boiled and I immediately bolted out the shop and started yelling at them and I was bemused as they looked up at me but didn't scarper. As I got up close to them they were as confused as I was, at which point I realised they totally weren't trying to nick my shit :/ The guy with his head down was using my front rack as a little table to fiddle with his camera/camera bag and the other dude was just waiting for his mate.

Oh the shame, but at least it ended in laughter and not fisticuffs - and better safe than sorry!

The guy with his head down was using my front rack as a little table to fiddle with his camera/camera bag

Into which he'd quickly stuffed his bolt cutters/hex tools/etc.

Friend of mine had bike nicked outside Perivale Sainos. Beware the Sainos.

Ha - very possible. In fact, I prefer that version because it means I genuinely averted disaster rather than just caused minor offence...

first time on the commute with a pannier, back was a bit chilly after years of having a bag on it.. But like the idea of doing impromptu shops without having to shoe horn whatever I've brought into a bag that is obviously too small for it..

Prob went home had a go at his wife

Obligatory link to Betjeman poem.

and that my rear light is small (it isn't),

The answer to that is "well your cock is small"

Betjeman poem

New to me, that, cheers

As I got up close to them they were as confused as I was, at which point I realised they totally weren't trying to nick my shit :/ The guy with his head down was using my front rack as a little table to fiddle with his camera/camera bag

Here is a radical idea: don't touch other people's property.

You do wish they'd proofread poems they put on-line ... it's not that long.

Car in front of me slammed on brakes this morning & I reacted a little late. Never done an endo before, felt rad, but not ideal.

ha! awesome

agreed

Good point. I hadn't checked it before posting.

Daughter (3) did an endo the other day in the park when a dog ran across in front of her. I was just explaining what an endo was when she tried to recreate it launching herself onto the top tube. Cue toddler loudly shouting / crying 'Daddy my foo fooooo'. Kids, gotta love em.

Hope your foo foo is unharmed.