Jokes / Joke du jour!

My optometrist gives all his customers bifocals. He's a glasses-half-full kind of guy.

A German walks into a bar and orders a martini.. the bartender replies 'dry?'
The German says 'Nein, just one you pillock'...

Dieser Witz stinkt

two Mexican firemen walk into a bar, Jose and Hose B

Really? Are you sure he didn't say 'Nicht nur ein Hoden Sie'?

Maybe he didn't..

Keine hoden hier

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus.
"You mean a martini?" the bartender asks.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it"

"The Earth is rapidly running out of Helium" said one scientist today.

"We have no idea why" said another scientist in a high pitched voice.

Repeat from 14 days ago..

Helium walks into a bar,

The bartender says “We don’t serve noble gases in here.”

Helium doesn’t react.

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium got together and I was like...”OMg”

Two chemists go into a restaurant.

The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.”

The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too”

And then he dies

I just quit my job at the helium factory.

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.

One of my favourites.

A photon checks in at the airport and is asked whether he has any luggage.
"No, I'm travelling light."

Careful! There are certain elements on this forum who could start a punfest

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Do you know any jokes about sodium?

Na

Via the internet? That would be a spooky action at distance!

We do seem to get periodic punfests, don't we?

When they happen I try not to react, but then I get excited before emitting an electron-ic laugh. Soon after things stabilise and it all dissolves away. I wish there were a solution.

If you're not part of the solution then you're part of the precipitate.

Bohr-ing.

If we could reduce the amount of puns by half - life would be so much better

Want to hear a joke about potassium?

K!