Football

There's not a sun lounger or towel in shot.

#racist

The new scholars signing for Burnley look surprisingly formal

Wisdom deal finally officially announced. Ince on his way to Huddersfield. Looks like we'll be aiming for 1-0 wins next season with the current transfers this summer.

Michael Keane all done, 5yr contract

Sandro Ramirez all done, 4yr contract

Rooney on his way back to Goodison. According to Neil Custis, who for once does appear to have the inside track.

McGeady to the official Everton retirement home. Aka Sunderland. lulz

Please let this be true, I will piss myself laughing...

Cue Pisti going quiet for a month...

It'll take the fizz right out of his cock.

And we're only halfway through yentzing season!!

If that's true I'll < thing goes here >.

TBF to Rooney, I know he's starting from a long way back, but he could give Neville Southall a run in the fattest Evertonian competition.

I imagine Darren Gibson could balloon.

Big Nev has set the bar so high (wide?), that only the truly dedicated burger munchers could run him close.

Imagine Phil Jones set free from being a professional athlete. Or ya ya.

Kolo maybe, but YaYa is a god. He will be a colossus FOREVER.

Casting for Coronation Street?

Big Nev used to look like Stan Ogden. Now he looks like Stan Ogden after he has eaten Hilda.

He's not a handsome man but he was an absolutely cracking keeper. Plus he's got no love for the Tories.

Filth.

le rep and le lol

Kolo will be able to get back on his wife's diet pills so he will be fine. I think it's Yaya you have to worry about, the man is cake mad.

another nail in the rooney back to everton saga

https://www.theguardian.com/football/2017/jul/05/wayne-rooney-everton-talks-manchester-united-return

sometimes having a shit tonne of money isn't a good thing. Everton matching his £250k a week wages, surely they can spend that money on other players??!

Hoping @Pistanator cries into his beer when this is confirmed..

He needs to watch out with cake, it has an active ingredient which is a dangerous psychoactive compound known as dimesmeric andersonphosphate. It stimulates the part of the brain called Shatner's Bassoon. And that's the bit of the brain that deals with time perception. So, a second feels like a month. Well, it almost sounds like fun...unless you're the Prague schoolboy who walked out into the street straight in front of a tram. He thought he'd got a month to cross the street.

he's not cake mad per se
he just mad when he doesn't get cake

That's good, you need to watch your emotions with cake, one young kiddie on Cake cried all the water out of his body.