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u Watt ?!

Puns about electricity?
Shocking

Alan Shearer sets out to prove Geordies are not thick, as is often postulated. He hires Newcastle's football ground St James' Park and invites Gazzer along to help him prove his point. The stadium is full; a capacity crowd. On the stage erected in the middle of the ground Alan asks Gazzer 'What's 234 divided by 7?'. Gazzer is at a loss. 'Sorry Alan arve nee idea like'. The crowd breaks into a chant: ' Give 'um anotha chance, give 'um anotha chance '. So Al says 'Gazza, what's 13 x 3?'. Gazza, under pressure, has a stab at it. '16' he says, smiling confidently. Alan is crestfallen. But the crowd wants more. 'Give 'um anotha chance, give 'um anotha chance ', they cry. Al can only relent. 'OK Gaz, what's 2 and 2?'. Gazzer beams....'4!' he says and the crowd goes wild, shouting 'Give 'um anotha chance, give 'um anotha chance '.

^watt?

Wouldn't being a good conductor make him more likely to survive than being a bad conductor as ultimately his resistance will be greater and hence he will have more power dissipated through him.

#fuckingphysics

Don't fuck with physics. They'll fuck you right back.

I liked that joke :(

It's actually your body's resistance that stops relatively low amperage fatally interrupting your heart's rhythm. If you stick a 9v battery directly on your heart, you'll die.

What about if you stick it up your bum?
(Asking for a friend)

I think you'd need to install a capassitor

Brownout

I thought your bum only took D's

Square peg, round hole

Lubrication Thread >>>>>>>>>>>>>

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey (Peter). He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps on to the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey did?"
The guy says, "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for everything."
The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.

Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his arse, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks. "No, what?" replied the guy.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his arse, pulled it out and ate it!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. He still eats everything in sight but, ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first."

An oldie but a goodie...

Heard about that new band called 1023 MB?

No?

Probably because they haven't had any gigs yet

Ohm my god, this current run of puns..........

Modern cash terms:

£500: An Archer
£1500: A Hamilton
£350,000,000: A de Pfeffel Johnson
£1,000,000,000: A DUP

You could also go for

An electrician comes home from the pub after a few pints. His wife says 'wire you ohm so late?'.

In other news...

I am thinking of a career change

Oh really...

Yes I want to help out more in the natural world.

Right...

Yes I want to open a sanctuary for small toothed whales.

That sounds noble...

Yes at the moment my life just seems to lack porpoise

There isn't a narwhal lot of money in marine biology, mind

There's a few squid.

I was just getting over my anger with all those electrical puns, and now I have the hump back.