Jokes / Joke du jour!

A man walks into a bakery. All the cakes in the shop are a pound except for one, which costs two pounds. So he asks the baker "Why is it two pounds?".
"That one?" the baker replies. "That's madeira cake."

A man goes to see his doctor, worried about his wife's temper.

The Doctor asks; 'what's the problem?'

The man says; 'Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my wife seems to lose her temper for no reason, it scares me.'

The Doctor says; 'I have a cure for that. When it seems that your wife is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish, but don't swallow it until she either leaves the room or calms down'.

Two weeks later the man comes back to the Doctor, looking fresh and reborn.

The man says; 'Doctor that was a brilliant idea! every time my wife starts losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and she calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?'

The Doctor says; 'The water itself does nothing, it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick.'

That's not a joke, its good advice

Ha. Women, eh?

Is it not highlighting men's failures rather than women's?

I don't think it's even a comment on gender.

It reminds me of an advert for some online bingo site ages ago, where the husband was busy dismantling a motorbike on the kitchen table, much to the dismay of his wife, who sought solace in online gambling. The lighthearted tone of the advert belied that it was basically just a depressing window in to that couple's failure to connect emotionally with one another and the repression of pent-up, unresolved issues that have no healthy outlet within their relationship.

Which I assume is the real punchline of the above joke, or am I reading too much into it?

My mate keeps nicking Tolkien books from Waterstones.
Last time he was in court the judge called him a Hobbitual criminal!

dismantling a bicycle on the kitchen table

might ring bells ?

End of a relationship thread >>>>>>>

PARKLIFE.

I tried to walk up a hill without a watch, but realised I had neither the time nor the inclination

Brian Cant Punctuate

It all wasn't very oblique :)

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a pint of beer, the second orders a half pint of beer, the third mathematician orders a quarter pint of beer and so on. After the 7th order, the bartender pours two pints of beer and tells them all, you ought to know your limits.

C, E-flat and G walk into a bar to order a round of drinks, the bartender says I'm sorry but we don't serve minors.

Credit: some guy on instagram

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a pint of beer, the second orders two pints of beer, the third mathematician orders three pints of beer and so on. After the 7th order, the bartender pours one twelfth of a pint for himself. In an uproar a mathmatiacian tells the barman: you ought to know your limits.

Ftfy

^ That is hideous.

Niche.

@AlexD
spot on, in fact I reversed the genders from what I read earlier this week.

Hahaha!!!

Stealing that for Facebook

You are correct as ...Sum n, n+1, n... (1/2)n, as n tends to infinity exists but the sum is 1 not 2

Reread what he posted. Then look up the Riemann zeta function for X = -1.

My stepdaughter had a frustrating Maths week at school. Saying yesterday, 'when am I ever going to a shop to buy 64 watermelons, its not relevant, like never'
lol

Another one from 'stagram that made me chuckle

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A guy gets a decorator around to paint his porch while he goes to work.

Upon returning home, the decorator greets him and says: "By the way, that's an Audi, not a Porsche, mate."

I think the joke is too far fetched. First he has to mistake the word porch, for Porsche, then when he can't find a Porsche, he would have to think, oh he must mean the Audi, and proceed without checking.

3/10, wouldn't share.

Audi manage to confuse the two?