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@ffm
Holy thread-dredge Batman!
A taxi driver side-swiped me today. In the following "conversation" I noticed how difficult it is to spontaneously come up with responses to the kind of bullshit that gets thrown at you in these interactions. The few things that actually felt useful to say were things I remembered from previous descriptions of such conversations on here. So I thought it would be useful to start a list of things to say.
The serious reason is to give the driver your perspective in as few words as possible. You'll never win an argument with a crap driver, but something might stick if it's put in just a few words. Failing that, Oscar Wilde level wit or crude abuse is fine. Add to the list below or comment on what does and doesn't work in this respect.
Bullshit "Don't touch my car/you have no right to touch my car
Response: "If I can touch it, it's too close."
Bullshit: I didn't see you
Response: "Then you shouldn't be driving."
Bullshit: You were halfway in the road
Response: "No, I was all the way in the road, now fuck off."
Bullshit: "My vehicle costs £bignumber!"
Response: "It's still less important than my life."
Bullshit: "You don't pay road tax/you're a freeloader"
Response: "You know even less about taxation than you do about driving"
Response: "It's car tax, does this look like a car?"
Bullshit: "You've got no insurance/obligations, you could damage my vehicle and cycle off"
Response: "I am insured."
Response: "If I ever actually damage your vehicle, let me know."