I hate

Bananas are gross and wrong and I'm glad a fungus is killing them off.

I hate bananas.

People walking down cycle paths gazing into their mobile phones.

In fairness, it makes a change from them flinging their faeces everywhere.

you're all doing it wrong.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2z-OLG0KyR4

#enjoyhelllol

I hate that the bank decided they don't want to send me paper statements anymore, so they can save on paper, yet don't have a problem sending me an application for a credit card every month which has a whole fucking booklet enclosed.

Why do you make me shout at the screen?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Oh, jesus, don't get me started.

What about those wankers who park ten feet from the end of a long parking bay, leaving a space in front only marginally too short to actually get a car in?

Or when you have a bay that's long enough for two cars end-to-end, and the cunt decides to park in the middle?

You should get a parking ticket for doing that.

'No Kids' weddings. A memorable day out for a family, ruined by pure selfishness. You don't get to have fun by excluding people. Your wedding is not about you. If it were, you wouldn't invite anyone.

We had our formal wedding party on a weekday lunchtime and only permitted spawn that were still suckling. This was simply down to space and finances as only 40 people could fit in the venue and immediate family's parasites would have taken 10 places.

At our less formal "party"party all were welcome and it was hugely enhanced by kids being so wonderfully exuberant and saying really sweet things.

One parking garage in Belfast will charge people twice for fuckery like that.

I totally get why people have no kids weddings. Last wedding I went to was so much more enjoyable because my daughter was at home with the grandparents!

This.

I love getting 'no kids' invites. They stay at home, we pretend we're young again.

It's all fun and games until the still-pissed 5am wake up :-)

Children aren't people.

No, they are, they're just younger versions of normal people. Are you thinking of Ewoks? They're not people.

Ifeelyoubro.jpg

Like an egg is a younger version of a chicken?

No, like butterflies and caterpillars.

Puberty being the shell of the chrysalis and about half of them emerge as cunting moths.

I think you'll find that ewoks were normal people dressed in a costume. Unless you think Starwars was a documentary and everything in it really happened. In which case, live long and prosper.

economy plane travel, booked by clients
fitting a 6'2" frame into a seat space obviously designed for a hamster does not make for a fun 3 hours

Cattle class is bad. Last week a woman four rows in front of me changed her baby on her lap which I could understand as the food trolley was in the aisle. But then she made an impromptu windsock out of the child's piss-soaked leggings by holding them up to the overhead ventilation nozzles. Lovely.

Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

Absolute fucking turd.

I still have flashbacks to when Californication came out, while I was working in California, in a studio full of Californians, listening to Californication every fucking day.

This has given me flashbacks of being in Spain in 1994, just after the macarena came out. I vividly remember being on a school coach with 50 spanish children dancing the macarena for HOURS.