Crap 'Buzzwords'

The Integration Leadership Team met in Milan recently to review and discuss the synergies that have been identified so far. It was a very productive meeting in which we reviewed the value of the synergies that have been estimated for each workstream so far, held deep dives into the top areas of opportunity, and started exploring the quick wins.

Lovely stuff, I have no idea what it means.

The Integration Leadership Team met in Milan recently to review and
discuss the synergies that have been identified so far. It was a very
productive meeting in which we reviewed the value of the synergies
that have been estimated for each workstream so far, held deep dives
into the top areas of opportunity, and started exploring the quick
wins.

and then Vincenzo trumped... PARP>>>>>>

The Integration Leadership Team met in Milan recently to review and discuss the synergies that have been identified so far.

synergies = people they can do without

... reviewed the value of the synergies that have been estimated for each workstream so far,

= how much they can save by firing those people

held deep dives into the top areas of opportunity, and started exploring the quick wins.

= figuring out who will be quickest and easiest to chop, ie, non-union, short notice period, genuinely doing nothing at all useful vs. needing some replacement ...

We went to Milan on the company dime, had a chat then got pissed

ideation

We're a design consultancy and the only one who uses the word 'ideation' is the marketing person. And every time she says it, we all crack up. I like to think we're fairly straight-laced here - the only time the word 'budget' is used is when we're tactfully explaining to the client that they can't afford what they're asking for.

However, one that has been making the rounds is 'speak to X' e.g. instead of asking 'what do you think about cheese?' it's 'can you speak to the cheese?'

Yes I can speak to the cheese, I can speak to the user experience, I can speak to the branding, I can speak to the ergonomics, but it'll be a pretty one-sided conversation because it's a fucking concept, not a person.

Thankfully I've got rid of all my 'Design Catalyst' business cards (threw the last third away) so I'll actually have a job title that doesn't provoke either confusion, bewilderment or simply contemptuous laughter.

'rhythms' is the new one from the current client, as in:

'There are good rhythms around this meeting.'

It means: This meeting is held regularly.

adroit
"boils my gears"
Tsk.

"Bolts my dropouts"

Pifko
She likes gingers though, according to Harry Potter, so there's always that.

Is Josh fully ginge?

Masterplanned.

This is absolutely ridiculous. Just came through in something I am editing for a client:

'The main takeaway is to be able to pitch the story that best supports our product portfolio and therefore be able to articulate our value proposition by co-creating up-sell and cross-sell strategies to define the best/differentiating offers.'

Even though that's full of buzzwords, if you mentally translate it into normal English it doesn't make sense.

"the main thing we learnt is to be able to talk about our products in a way that helps us sell more of them and therefore be able to articulate why we are good by finding ways, along with other unspecified people, of selling things to people they didn't know they wanted initially by defining the best offers."

Bleurgh.

"feed them some shit, see if they buy it."

"OCD" to describe not liking mis-matching stuff or something not being quite straight.

yep, fake-OCD'ers are cunts.

same goes for saying "I'm a bit autistic" or "I swear I'm on the spectrum" No. fuck off.

might be because I took a group of variously learning disabled young people to see curious incident of the dog in the night-time today so it's on my mind.

The other managers at work use the phrase "sub-ideal" where "shit" would do just as well. I refuse to use the term.

Everyone's on the spectrum, that's why it's a spectrum?

trufact. Dis guy for example, he's on the Spectrum:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-34070483

I was always Amiga I'm afraid. Different spectrum altogether!

Wild Weird and Wicked pack or GTFO.

32 page printer guide, you can't beat that.

People at my work have started saying "onboarding" a worrying amount recently.

i'd be more worried about them saying 'waterboarding' while looking in your direction..

" on point " can >>>>>>>>>>>>>>