my plebgate stories and other tales of jobsworths

at the sorting office in west norwood the bloke was like mate no bieks plz and im like fine so i rode my biek at the wall so fast it knocked the sorting office into dust and the man comes out hes like wtf im like yeah i didn;t bring it inside did i u fukcin muppit hes like

Pointed out that bike would cause more crowding & congestion outside,
either on the disabled access ramp, or the landing for the stairs access,

Fuck 'em! Chain it to a fire escape: that'll teach 'em!

#jobsworth

Dramatis Personae

1. BRAD - a moddish Belgian sideburn model
   
2. CHRIS - a scouse time trial specialist
   
3. ANDREW - an American rookie. Future GT contender?
   
4. BERYL - Royal Mail employee
   
   

Setting: SORTING OFFICE. INT. DAY.

BRAD: I'm so glad this sorting office provides ample cylcle parking (hums A Town Called Malice)

CHRIS: You said it, Wiggo. I hope my parcel's here.

BRAD: What did you order?

CHRIS: [laughing] A new aero helmet!

BRAD: As if you need one!

CHRIS: Oh stop it

[they embrace]

BERYL: Have you got any ID?

CHRIS: Oh my gosh! I forgot my wallet!

ANDREW: DOUCHEBAGS! [he strikes BRAD with an inner tube]

END SCENE.

skydancer
A thread to record instances where people with bikes are treated unreasonably and irrationally.

Today on returning to England on the ferry I was not allowed to ride off with the other vehicles by a jobsworth and asked to put my bike on a bus... The reason? Coz you can't.

Then on entering the empty ticket hall at Hamilton sq. I was asked to leave my bike outside... Why? I asked. Health and safety.

Those weak kop outs really chafe my nipples big time. Health and safety? Really. Anyone blind enough to not see a 60cm bike is a danger to themselves. Ban them instead.

Howard in reply to @dancing james
I just walk in with my bike, if it looks practical. Once in, it's usually not worth their effort to ask you to take the bike outside :)

That weird Cafe bike shop thing at Box Hill station...rolled my bike in looking for a coffee, place deserted...but they insisted I left my bike outside. 0/10 would not go in again.

Tits like these see non of my cash.

Howard
Also, day to day cycling is shit, mostly. It's just less shit than a lot of other things.

Fortunately when it is good, it is extremely good, offsetting teh shitness

[/LFGSS]

Chalfie
fucking hell. life is soooooo hard being a man.

...hetro man moans...

fasih in reply to @dancing james
I am glad to hear that about the lorry drivers DJ. I did say the cyclists need training too.

I have stopped a few women from filtering up behind turning coaches around the Victoria area. You are right, those filtering markings on the roads are sometimes detrimental - so it does come down to training cyclists not to use them when there are large vehicles along side them.

You try and have a conversation about the benefits of training with a random cyclist. I cna tell exactly how it will go: They nod, think yeah it's sounds good. They say, "yeah more cyclists should do it." When you ask about them doing it, they'll tell you:

"I'm fine, been riding years, I don't need it"
or
"Yeah, maybe I'll think about it"

Yet they'll moan about getting HGV's off the road at times that suit them. Fuck night workers / nightriders.

You are right, few people are open to admitting that they could do with some coaching when it comes to these kind of things. The way I look at it is that there is always room for improving your skills. Perhaps there are other ways to distribute this knowledge sticking pieces on forum and sites, videos on Youtube etc.

Perhaps some mandatory cycle training is the way to go.

Perhaps some mandatory cycle training is the way to go.

No, no, no. Please no. Desperately need to encourage all cycling before our home on Earth turns into a dust bowl, that is the first way of discouraging people from wheeling around.

Can't really see this thread going anywhere more pleasant than a hot urinal. Simple solution (that will continue to be the most ignored maxim of civilisation) ; the ethic of reciprocity. If some people are nice, others are not nice; make sure you are nice.

Is there anywhere where cyclists are not allowed in ?
Not with the bike but because they look like cyclists ?
(because they are looking for something for free/steal)

Cleats on wooden floors = fair enough

and I suppose lycra

Nazis.

#orcropcircles

Go to Brew cafe in putney and find out?

I'd like to hear more tales of post offices letting in or not letting in bikes, plz.

Back to the Porsche mines for you.

I am with you, merely stating a possibility. When I was a lad I did have to do a cycling proficiency test. Which did put in me in good stead getting to and from school.

Perhaps some mandatory cycle training is the way to go.

With discounts on mandatory insurance and mandatory helmets for those that complete it?

http://www.buzzfeed.co.uk/top-8-bike-parking-uk-sorting-offices-you-wont-believe-no-4

mandatory cycle training

Fuck no!
Mandatory walking training?

Mandatory breathing training?
(Actually since I've started yogic breathing training I can breath more efficiently)

(Actually since I've started yogic breathing training I can breath more efficiently)

You're a mouthbreather?

Trending
#hacksawgate
Kyle Jenner tweets picture of USPS employees hacksawing his bike in half

#notinmyoffice
Thousands across UK celebrate Royal Mail "Leave your bike at home" day

Chris Brown
Chris Brown asked to leave his bike outside Barnsley sorting office, brings Maserati in instead

Seacome theatre Sutton yesterday afternoon. Attending meeting and asked to bring bikes in the huge largely empty building for 2 hours. Guy there said Bikes, in here, don't be ridiculous, its a theatre, I'm a mountain biker and wouldn't dream of bringing my dirty mtb in here" he then told us there is a car park at the back (which had no cycle parking)

Maybe it works like smoking? Tell him it's part of the performance and just ride in flicking the V

^^ why did he explain the thing about mountain bikes. Of course you wouldn't if they were dirty. (Presume you didn't ride to a meeting on dirty MTBs)

Will be in a holiday inn I think from Monday to weds. Will report back about experiences with keeping bike in room.