Any question answered...

This doesn't exist, it will not exist, and it must not exist.

Mudguards don't protect the pannier.

I rode through some water and a bit of dirt recently and not a speck. Anyway, panniers are usually covered in hardy material. Mudguards do protect the pannier to some extent (spray water ricocheting off the rack top) while also not hosing the riders behind me down.

You are possibly looking for something called a "Jasbeschermer", which is what the london hire bikes have on their rear wheels. I'm not sure if there's an English name for them. Good luck finding a vendor of these beasts in the UK, however.

In this part of the world "Crazy Carpets" are sold very cheaply at department stores. They're relatively large pieces of plastic that are extremely slippery on one side in order to allow kids or drunk adults to sit on them and slide down frozen hillsides in the Canadian hinterland.
I've used these to line and give shape to Carradice bags and other applications. Anything similar out there?

Estate agent for sale sign + zipties?

Coroplast ^ would be ok, but maybe a little too thick.

Try looking for a skirt guard instead.

From this link to one: The Dutch call these Jasbeschermers - Coat Protectors. In English they are often called Skirt Guards....

http://www.dutchbikebits.com/index.php?route=product/product&product_id=76

Jees - thanks a lot all of you. That's awesome.

"dress guard" £5 or so on ebay if I remember right.

removing decals from a carbon fork and getting it resprayed - who could do this and how much would it cost?

@hoops and a reach around.

Or so I'm told.

You'd have to be quite clear with him about the colours beforehand, though.

Self extracting crank bolts.

Useful, or just something else to go wrong?
Should I stick with old fashioned bolts and caps, and a crank puller?

thievery can be an issue with them

how many cases are there of self extracting crank bolts being abused?

a thief who can recognise them would probably be clued up enough to use a crank extractor too

@Bad_Science

abused?
I'm saying that they just make it easier to steal a crankset.
Self extracting bolts make removal much quicker and more convenient, which is why they exist in the first place.

I agree, side spray is a pain and the only way I can think is an inner liner to the rack almost like a skirt guard.

But is anyone stealing cranks with them? It does not appear to be a real issue, rather a potential one that has not been realised.

Depends if the decals are above or below the laquer.

Cheapest may just be a hydro wrap.

^^ #Internetstats tell the tale.
If you're not worried about it, that's cool.

It just seems like pointless scaremongering. All bike parts might be stolen if someone deploys appropriate tools.

Stick a ball bearing or two in the allen key hole if you are worried.

Will probably go with self extracting, although it's a while off yet.
Job for weekend is replacing hub bearings, and attempting removal of BB to see what state it's in...