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1.Cycling to waterloo the other day, went south of the river at london bridge where we were met by heavy traffic due to roadworks. The 1999 Daewoo Matiz infront pulls away from being at a standstill and then slams their brakes on. I follow suit with the braking front, but my wheels lock, and due to a wet slippy road surface from recent rainfall, I slide in slow motion into this old chaps rear bumper, bending it in a good 6 inches and pulling a spectacular endo to rear window face plant.

Unfortunately, I had the company of my girlfriend that day. Who is quite new to the cycling malarky. She starts screaming and breaks down in tears and won't get back on her bike and stands in the middle of the road, eyes streaming.

Quick word with the shocked OAP passengers of the vehicle to reassure them I'm perfectly fine and some sweet talk with the missus and we were off again in time for the train. Bonza.

1. During a bit of a friendly sprint race on the velodrome with a good friend we are on the final lap putting the foot down. He's about a foot from my rear in the slipstream. We come out the corner and next thing I get a huge rear tyre blowout. Sounds like a gunshot, my friend shits his polkadots. Somehow we both stay in control and don't end up in a tangled mess of frame and limb on the back straight. Unfortunately no back up inner tubes that day so it was an early tea!
   

Dibs on the frame please sir.

Ah, the girlfriend said they were parts of a bicycle on the road.

Had reports from my girlfriend that there's been an accident at Oxford Circus.

She says it looked to have involved a bus and a cyclist but she wasn't completely sure, it would have been around 1pm. Exact location being just outside Topshop, so just into oxford street. Wondering if anybody else knows anything?

I think this one wins, it was left over night at the waterloo bike stand...

This guy here might actually be quite a genius. By locking his bicycle in such a manner of absurdity he may be deterring thieves by humouring them instead, encouraging them to leave the bicycle so that others can take pleasure in the viewing the owner's "supposed" incapability with intelligence. Very clever sir...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdbyG2MrBHk&feature=player_embedded

does this remind anyone else of a bbc three ad?