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Bottom bracket sold

Are the cranks gone too?

I have three, all unrelated, so I'll post one now and save the others.
Cycling fail #1:
A long time ago, as a kid, I was riding my bike down a hill in a forest, pretty quickly. At the bottom of this hill, packed with leaves so it was invisible, was a drainage ditch, whose diameter was approximately that of my front wheel.
I don't remember much after that, but those behind me told me that the wheel, quite predictably, jammed in the ditch, flung me over the handlebars, flat onto my face, before the bike proceeded to fling itself up in the air a metre or two, do a flip and come crashing down on top of my back.
Miraculously, I was fine, but my helmet was skewered on the end of the handlebars, and the forks were bent right back.

Are we profiling these days? Cameron would be proud...

Not profiling, no. Just a description, as accurate as possible, in case anyone's bike went missing from there- I often see cut locks as I walk past.

I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but I saw a couple of well-dodgy looking guys hanging around a bike rack by the Said Business School in Oxford recently. One of them was riding a Reflex MTB BSO and the other was kinda tall, with cropped, off-blonde hair, looked vaguely teutonic, and was wearing a black and white Adidas trackie. He was walking up and down the rows of bikes. I feel bad about not approaching them, but I was on the other side of a busy road, alone, and it was dark. They passed me further down the road a few minutes later and trackie guy was wobbling about, riding a Raleigh Varsity that was way too big for him. I just figured this description might help someone somewhere.