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"Jesus loves you."

A nice gesture in church.

A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

Reminds me of....

Am I missing something, or is that Tommy Lee Jones..!!?

I wasn't concentrating while driving this morning and crashed into a 'Stop' sign. I got out of the car to check the damage.

The sign was slightly bent and there was a small scratch on my bumper. Both could be repaired cheaply, so that wasn't too bad.

It wasn't all good news, though. I could tell from the kids' screams that the lollipop lady was pretty fucked up.

My mates didn't believe me when I told them I had a date with a sexy 18 year old girl on Valentine's Day.

They laughed at me and said she was probably just a figment of my imagination.

Well, the jokes on them, cos they are too.

My wife's always walking into things and getting hurt.

Yesterday it was our bedroom while I was fucking her sister.

Fabio Capello resigns to concentrate fully on his commitments as one of the Dolmio puppets.

I was telling a girl in the pub about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born just by feeling their breasts.

"Really?" she said. "Go on then... Try."

After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.

"Come on," she demanded, "What day was I born on?"

"Yesterday?" I replied.

My dog and I are a lot like a married couple.

We don't have sex anymore.

I use the kids as a way to start conversations with women.

Like, "Bring me the ransom money or I'll kill them both!"

I saw my ex girlfriend walking towards me in the high street today. Not wanting to stop and chat to her, I quickly pretended that I was talking on the phone.

She walked straight up to me and said, "You're just pretending to be on the phone, aren't you?"

"Hold on a moment," I said to my pretend caller. "No, I'm not. What makes you think that I'm pretending?"

"You've got your thumb in your ear and your little finger on your lip."

Try this place http://iwdrm.tumblr.com/

The door is that way >>>>>

+1 (Rare breakfast lol)

MORE >>> http://theuniblog.evilspacerobot.com/?p=4995

QWOPing....! Brilliant.

Enhance the vectors in the bitmap!

Brie Toast?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeKSiCQkPw

He's not even that nice looking.

He....!!? Oh god.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSPtSEIlp8A

Ha! Good spot.

"Luckily, no one at the BNP Youth Rally had spotted him yet...!!"

A guy is walking past a bus stop and says to a woman "Can I smell your fanny?" "Fuck off, no you can't smell my fanny!" the woman yells back at him, "Oh" he replies, looking slightly confused, "it must be your feet then".