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Anyone interested in a fluoro yellow saddle?
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&item=200317997413
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Start with photoshop, as its the most useful of all the programs listed, google "photoshop tutorials" and just start pissing around with it. Computer Arts magazine is really good for specific tutorials and a cd full of source files. When you're happy with the tuts, set yourself a goal image to make, i.e. photoshopping your bike with arrospok's and neon shit all over it. If you do this first, before shelling out for courses, you'll get much more out of it... St. Martins do good beginner graphics courses.
When you're happy with the interface of photoshop, move onto making "A scanner darkly" style images in illustrator, making fanzines in InDesign, and little animations in flash - the way they all work is in essence very similar. Basically pick something you like, and try and copy it exactly...
hope this helps
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^ maybe he's trying to fund a lawnmower