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Does this mean pointing and gawping at fights on telly?

Yes. Plus rubber-necking at crashes.

I think this is my friend's show. It has bugger all to do with cyclists being responsible or irresponsible - it's just a show about the shit that happens on the roads, and so should be very watchable. It will be a mix of actuality and sync/archive, if you are interested in wanky telly jargon.

Sounds like you made yourself useful. Hope he is back on his bike soon, if not and his bike is OK......what size is it? I take a 58 / 60.

Trying to remember who in the newspaper industry once suggested combining the obituary page with the property page eg "Richard Maddeley died today, leaving a wife, two children... and a spacious four-bedroom house in leafy Cheadle Hulme with west-facing garden".

My colleagues couldn't understand why it was so much fun to play in the traffic on a bike.

Ha, couldn't put it better myself.

NO

USE YOUR CUNTING EYES

NO YOU CANNOT HIDE BEHIND THAT PHONE

I CANT STOP

OUT OF MY WAY FATSO

the above are some of the things i have shouted

I refer you to this thread which was (a) very useful and (b) made me laugh a lot. Since that time I use "EYES" which is short, effective and doesn't involve swearing & thus can be deployed against mums with pushchairs who are determined to sacrifice their first born to the gods of traffic.

Last night I had a nightmare. I was cycling down Hammersmith Road and a nodder on a Brompton undertook me. I pedalled faster and overtook him, but within seconds he was undertaking me again, looking back and mocking me. So I overtook... and he undertook again. As in yer basic nightmare, no matter how hard I pedalled, there was nothing I could do. I woke up in a cold sweat at 5.30am and didn't get back to sleep :(

hmmmm? I don't get that.

The Unabomber used to write 'FC' on all his explosive devices = 'fuck computers'

Fuck computers.

First computer was a C64, with printer and disk drive. Still got it somewhere, Tapper, Dropzone, Dizzy...

I downloaded a Spectrum emulator the other day to have a look at some of the games (it vaguely related to some work research). It's mind-boggling that we used to spend so long on them - they were incredibly basic. F'rinstance I remember Skool Daze as being brilliantly witty and fiendishly complicated when in fact it's about as rewarding as a two-star iPhone free app.

Beware anyone travelling to Wests via Hammersmith roundabout. It is awash with chavs attending the Lil Wayne gig. I nearly mowed several down - they all think it's a sign of hardness to walk through traffic.

Whatever floats your boat. I'm more of a sadist than a masochist.. but you probably worked that out already :)

Definition of a sadist = someone who's nice to masochists.

hippy = sympathy fail. But yeah, basically he's right, also if you hadn't done it to yourself he'd have been round there to administer the punishment himself.

Getting tyres on my deep-V rims has defeated even hardened LBS mechanics (they muttered something about a size mismatch). Plus I have the fingers of a child. So I'll stick to thumping my own bollocks with a tyre lever, thanks.

how exactly in the process of changing a tube could you ever end up punching yourself in the balls?!

Since you ask... I'm sitting on a chair, wheel between legs. Repaired tube is in. I'm running a tyre lever in between rim and tyre to snap it back into place, moving my hand/arm towards me. Lever slips out of rim, hand (holding lever) flies into genitals. Impact = nasty.

Courier/fakenger with a bag the size of a semi-detached house pulling some very smooth skids on Glenthorne Rd / Hammersmith roundabout this morning. I was on a go-slow because running a rear flat. Came into work, was replacing the tube, my hand slipped and I punched myself in the testicles :(

Ha was going to post the same thing. I've always figured nobody buys it with their own money, it's for the reception at West End ad agencies.

To play Devils advocate, i think that half the time cars who are stopped in ASL's are there because they were in traffic when the lights turned Red

Yes that's definitely true but there are still lots of people who drive right on to it when the light is already red, and loads more who drive halfway on it as if to say "well I don't really want to observe this but I suppose I should".

However Oliver probably has it right ie who gives a shit really - I should unclench about it.

I went on a special mission to Mr Falafel at lunchtime for this exact reason.

Lunchtime ride in sun + deluxe XL falafel wrap = win.

If any of the people with awesome carrot cake recipes could email me a copy, it would be much appreciated. I made one off teh internets at the weekend and it was good but not good enough. (I came across one from James Martin and refused to bake it on principle - take that TV chef!!!)

I could possibly be in for this, armed with chocolate & tahini cake...

Don't be an argumentative dick

lol fair enough. All I'm saying is that it's inevitable you're going to end up in a situation where you're on the wrong side of the road and a large vehicle is headed straight for you. The other day I was passing the usual 500 buses on Oxford St by using the wrong side of the road; a combination of circumstances meant that a bus coming towards me got the green light but I was still in his path. The driver shook his head and threw his hands up in a "the world's going to hell in a handbasket" type act, and all because I delayed him for <1.5 seconds.

I think you are both a little stupid, if you have kids and don't want them to grow up fatherless, you should think twice about riding on the wrong side of an island in central London rush hour.

(a) is it lonely up there on your pedestal?
(b) do you ride much in central London?

If I never used the 'wrong' side of the road in town, I'd never get anywhere.

+1 Skully for remonstrating with him without descending into abuse. Those sort of games are harmless when it's car versus car, but car versus bike is a lot more serious and you reminded him of that.

If there is server bleeding

That's an issue only Velocio should deal with.

You need to be pretty bold to take on the stretch from Chiswick Roundabout to the Earls Ct Rd, I prefer Chiswick High Rd if I have to cover that stretch. There are plenty of nicer routes that are just as quick on a bike.

Nooo, the cardboard bridge that goes over Hogarth Roundabout is the most fun on two wheels!

writting honk if your Gay on the back of the van

What are you, 12 years old? Twat.

So did they cut through the D-lock or just carry it off and lock it up with it still on?
What happened to the child seat and helmet?

No, they must have wheeled the bike up the street on its front wheel - child seat, helmet and D-lock all still firmly in place. It would have been quite a sight.

@drdingy, um I think their chances of selling a bike with a d-lock around the rear wheel would have been slim.

Witnessed the most cack-handed attempt at covert bike theft yesterday... I somehow doubt it's the latest new thing in bike theft but I thought I'd relate it...

Yesterday afternoon my missus left her bike by the front of our house with the d-lock round the rear wheel and the frame. It had the kid seat on the back and her helmet hanging off the lock too. So she goes to lock it up properly around 9pm and realises it's gone. She's mystified... then notices the bike about 20m up the street. Walks up there to find that someone has moved it, passed a cable round the bike and a telegraph pole, and padlocked the ends of the cable together. So she gets out the hacksaw, cuts through the cable, brings it home and locks it up properly. Around 11pm I heard a noise outside and there's some young hoodie sniffing around who immediately buggers off on his bike.

So what the fuck? They must have moved the bike around 4pm which displays some chutzpah, and they were expecting that nobody would notice it half way up the street? They were intending to come back with a van in the middle of the night, even though there would have been a great chance that someone was watching it? Why lock it with a basic bike cable that took two minutes to saw through? I've heard of bikes being d-locked and nicked later but this was surreal. Answers on a postcard please.