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BMW driver sounds like a right twat, as they always are, but I don't get it. Did you suddenly just jam on a front brake then. Why couldn't they stop in time behind you?

I dunno. I did slow, then skidded slightly to stop by the passenger door, but my mate just slammed into me. Fuck knows what he was doing. He's quite embarrassed. And it was fucking hard slam too.

I also feel quite bad that I actually checked my back wheel wasn't buckled before I even looked at my mate tangled in his bike.

I've asked him to email me a picture because he got this fucking AWESOME cut on his arm as well. He looks like a pirate or cage fighter or something.

I was heading towards Blackfriars Bridge from Ludgate Hill last night with three of my friends riding behind me like little ducks when this anus of a man driving a top-down BMW sped past us with just a few inches to spare. Sucker of balls!, I thought and sped after him to (eloquently and calmly) tell him he was likely to hurt someone if he thought it was normal to drive like that.

I saw him queuing at the lights and started slowing down, and then remember skidding lightly to a stop as I began telling him off with the ol' High and Mighties, wagging my finger like a 1950's copper. But just as the words left my mouth there was fucking ridiculous cry of "Woooooooooo!" followed by a hard crunch as one of my friends slammed into me, knocking me off the road entirely. This was followed by a stack of other cyclists going "wooo wooo wooo!" and quickly unclipping and calling me a knob-end.

I recognised the embarrassment of this situation immediately, because The Anus in the BMW was smiling when I next looked up with this smug expression that said "bad luck". Fucker then sped off as we picked my friend up off the ground.

We must have looked like a right bunch of losers. Especially as the chap who stacked it broke his wrist. It went grey and floppy and weird. Ewww.

Anyways, this post is longer than it should be. So: not sure if there’s a moral to any of this, but the BMW driver probably still thinks cyclists are goofs and I should probably not stop so sharply in traffic, and people should maybe not ride up my bum-hole whilst looking at pretty girls on the pavement.

You read this entire thread and then realise your life is meaningless. Discuss.

Hmm^. Tescos is good. But Asda do them in the Smart Price range, which might turn out cheaper.

Serioulsy though, there are about four trillion CPs in London. You'll get one then wish you had something else I reckon.

I like being accosted in Hoxton Square by that fat, drunk man/woman thing that lives there. She/he likes my boating shoes and expensive handlebars. I like her/his round, red face and zest for life.

Agggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

And please stop saying offensive things - this is a pubic forum.

If people don't start behaving I will be forced to fight you all in a round of hand to gland combat.

I'm Bobbin Threadbare, are you my mother?

Yeah but pat butcher is a lesbian in real life so I doubt she'd be up for some "man action".

S'kay, I'd just tuck it behind me like that Buffalo Bill chap.

I met Pat Butcher in a Budgens once. She's very posh. I'd defo rather fuck her over Jo Brand, who just looks a bit smelly down there.

is this a joke?

"Cool goatee" - is that an oxymoron?

I think the OP should've lied a bit to make the story better for retelling it on The Internet. I would've said that he burped in my face, farted then waved me out of the shop with two fingers up, then coughed the word 'cunt' as I walked out the door.

There's a lot of LOLing going on today.

I want to hear more about the actual fight. Did he still have his helmet on? It's got to be easy to fuck someone up when they do. Drop kick them in the belly so they puke into the visor then run away screaming and masturbating wildly. That'll shake em up.

Or just carry a gun and wave it around like a threatening cock next time.

Yeah. More guns.

Hi, Kate - thanks for the original post.

I'd still argue that these posters are aimed a novices - so the message needs to give them context and explanation. I just think saying 'Danger HGV' is just a loose term for too many would-be-cyclists and that it might not even mean anything to some people.

It's good that the stickers are going up, I just think they'd be more effective if they had an image of a HGV, and that they said something along the lines of "too many drivers pay fuck all attention to you, so make sure you know what to look out for, who to stay away from, and where to seek sound advice."

Ideally, I'd like to see HGVs operate in central London during particular hours to keep them off our roads. How likely I'll ever witness such a step I don't know (painfully slim, I guess - but gathering evidence is going to be useful).

Hope I'm being useful rather than a pain.

For me it's a no brainer saying watch out for a fucking massive truck. It's the left turning HGV message we need to push, so it would be better to allude to that and give a website for advice. And there might even be some people that have no idea what a 'HGV' even is.

Cheers V. Otherwise, it looks pretty neat.

cunty cunt dick-pole.

Er...do we really have to have new banners with swear words in them? I try and use this site at work, and I suppose hundreds of others do too. It's not really fair to force the word 'fucking' in a yellow banner over the top of my screen.

JESUS! THAT WAS SO GOOD I'M WRITING IN CAPITALS! Amazing.

fuck a dog, do i hate white seats.

Tell him to Feel the Dream.

Peace, sista.

ha. *sort *of.

http://zezaurian.blogspot.com/