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In all seriousness, if you got his home address a series of notes would most likely freak him out. Just explain that when a car driver does something as fucking pathetic as what they did they should face the consequences of having a fucking registered number plate. Doh!

Dear Dickface,

*I know where you live. I know what car you drive and I will keep an eye on you. If it happens again I'll smash your fucking face through your fucking windscreen, you dumb cunt, *

*Yours, *

A. Cyclist.

Fuck it. Rape the cunt over the boot of his car with a cattle prod.

Ah. The sweet hysteria of fantasised vengeance.

Hmmm. My flatmate rode home drunk on Friday, but the pilchard had his lock around his neck, hit a car and now he has a small, ugly vagina on his chin and bruises all over his shoulder.

I'd say a few beers is okay, or even improves your skills. Anything past 6 pints and you're likely to faceplant into a car bumper.

Hi,

I'm just assuming that the bike I saw today was stolen. But as this guy sells the Big Issue in the same spot everyday, you might get it back if he's still lugging it about...

Light on details, sorry:

Black frame, white deep Vs (most likely), concor white saddle and I think a Gold Finger brake...and a snazzy black crankset.

The seller is the guy that stands out the front of Waitrose on Whitecross street everyday. It's obviously not his bike...and I sort of half know this guy cuz I see him all the time.

Worth a look tomorrow if you think it's yours. Hope this is some help (and I'll laugh my head off if I'm just a snob and it's his pride and joy.)

Map here.

89p and no.

i can't get that fucking song out of my head.

The beginning looks like Wandsworth Common/Clapham area and then I think I spotted Gloucester Road buildings?

I may be wrong, Donut, would you mind asking your mate where he was hanging around while making that lovely movie? Just from curiosity... :)

yeah, it's Clapham, not Balham.

I never go south of the river.

fuckity-fuck-fuck.

Not today it's not Donut

Well, namesake, it muthahumpin was last night and I got jolly wet. I also peeled a used jonnie out of my sock after cycling through a fucking river by Hyde Park.

Which is not quite true, but I'd like to moan about being wet nonetheless. Fucking anything than talk about a fucking chef any longer.

this entire fucking story is so fucking tired now. Can't we just moan about the rain or somin?

So that rain, eh? Pretty wet.

quit horsing around.

This thread makes me want to commit suicide.

Ha ha. That has made my afternoon.

"Itchy bum: epic fail"

That's golden.

I'll assume he's starting in Balham.

My mate just did this and it's pretty funny:

YouTube - Biking Move B*tch

"You're not my real step-mum."

"STEM: Black anodized Cinelli Ahead stem with massive Cinelli logo (such a cool look)"

Ha ha.

Mine was from 12.

It's easy to get confused when you're browsing on your mobile in mobile based mode, as it doesnt show avators and most pictures are linked instead.

I can tell the difference between the two, as Duncan has an exclamation mark.

That's because he's much more X-TREME than me, simple Donut.

I'd let Velocio add "His majesty, King" just before the name "Donut" if that would help?

^Duncan's avatar actually spells his flippin' name out!

God, I do get invited to quite a few things that I really shouldn't though. But I like my name.

The driver really did have the face of a cunt. He looked like a really skinny, bald version of this guy:

@JD:I'm the ORIGINAL Donut. Not Duncan Donut. So no, it was me and my weird crew, not Norths.

@Zep: I think the only thing I would've heard in a walkie talkie would've been "Woooooooo!"

My mate, who went into my rear broke his wirst.

Lessons learned by a two of us here. Too bad he got fucked though.