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Any and all constructive criticism of poetic form welcomed.

Bump thread. I have few poems I am proud of, and even fewer that I’m both proud of and willing to share publicly. That would be the goal, but not ready yet.

By way of background to this poem - I am neither a royalist nor a republican (contrast most of this forum who seem to be, with many good reasons, republican). I am monarchgnostic, I don’t look around the world and see many heads of state to envy. I wrote it on the morning of the coronation for a challenge, and submitted it to Private Eye in the hope they’d publish it for the anniversary of Charles’ coronation. I received a curt but polite rejection from “Ed.”, which was pleasing to be acknowledged at least. In any case, safe space and all:

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A Poem for a King: Charles the third, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of His other Realms and Territories King, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith. Morning Preparations in anticipation of His Crowning Glory.

6 May 2023

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little King Charles, his toes do a dance
as the curtain-draw-backer prepares in advance
to let the royal day anoint the kingly bed
to let the sunshine bless wee willy winky’s head

~

in the royal halls outside the courtesans a’muster
(no one tell the King please that the London sky’s lacklustre)
the royal penis tucker jubilantly practices his moves
folding and unfolding bulging coronation trews

~

the ancient gilded carriage has been newly recommissioned
the sweatless royal brow must be freshly air conditioned
for the short but kingly trip through the park and down the mall
bedecked with flags and plebs and subjects, a thousand soldiers standing tall

~

the king likes soldier-dipping in his runny boiled eggs
crustless please equerry, but don’t chop off their heads
English breakfast tea and Dundee marmalade
Now’s not the time to ponder on the luckless parlourmaid
who was put out upon her arse with the rest of Clarence House
despite years of loyal service and a sheer but buttoned blouse

~

the coronation shoes have been nicely broken in
an honour to have worn them for a trusted royal kin
woollen socks selected from the best sheep in the realm
little comforts tricks and tips so as not to overwhelm

~

climbing up the carriage steps before the palace gates
a hush falls down a silence comes as little England waits
republicans don’t understand there is no rank hypocrisy
if that were so, they stand confused, accused of anthropopathy

~

long live the King let all the peasants cry
pay your true allegiance to your kingly Majesty
and to your heirs and successors according to law
they must pledge their endless toil heretohence and heretofore

~

little King Charles, his toes do a dance
as the carriage-horse-whipper prepares to advance
seventy long years it’s not been said aloud
long live the king, please do your mummy proud.

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We wouldn’t all fit. Specially us taller leg room challenged guys

That cero wheel is great - v light if it’s the same one I had. I built an aluminium framed 105 bike up at about 8.5kg with a pair of them, for ~£260 :)

GLWS, someone will get a bargain. I absolutely would buy them to have a spare pair but not around there any more.

https://nitter.poast.org/_SRTLW

For the non twitterati and ex-Xers

Grazie!

Dredge - that eBay link doesn’t work, could you find a photo / part number / part name? Thank you!

This sounds uneven / odd, but I understand if a person with no penis sexually assaults someone in a comparable way to rape (had they had a penis) the sentencing/tariffs/consequences are the same.

Rep

Not entirely sure what Peter is doing, but there is a photo on the van of Jason at the van.

You want to go to Bristol and experience a kebab from the Jason Donervan

I also note now that it is related to effective altruism which has been given a bad name of late thanks to Sam Bankman Fried- back then it just seemed sensible.

I came across this a long while back -

Giving What We Can

I got an MA place to study applied moral philosophy, and would have been interested in this sort of area, but didn’t have the money to fund the course. Anyway.

It is similar - a secular tithe - but (unless the last 15 years have changed things) they advocate being public about it, to try to normalise it.

I am not as good as you, and gave 5% for a long time, but that fell by the wayside in job changes… I should really pick it up again. I also wasn’t super public about it, just if it came up, but I’m not sure why.

Wouldn’t preclude him from pres though would it

I can’t see the video :( Cana never get .mov to work, iPhone/chrome

Good work, well done. Inspiring!

My experience of a brass splitter from Aldi was not good. Perla-leak. I think plastic may be better, or poss really really expensive bouji brass

😍

In the interests of balance - it’s also possible you’ve misread the report, or misunderstood what he was saying.

Although - I just spent 10 minutes word searching “serious” and “Corbyn” in the Forde report and also couldn’t find any of those suggestions, but I gave up.

I don’t have a good understanding of it all and in part am just trying to improve that.

Indeed.

Velo orange do one I think - fresh tripe. And soma - On that slightly odd southern distribution site. Last time I checked anyway

I think we did that on the memes thread

^same

I read a post about (some) parents choosing to pay private school fees up front - 1) specifically now, because they can avoid the VAT if they do and 2) in general, because schools have always apparently offered discounts if you do that. Only mentioning because it was a surprise (I’m always surprised by how deeply, fundamentally, inter-generationally, wealthy some people are) and it feels wrong.

In hire cars with auto dip beam lights I’ve always felt they dipped half a second later than I wanted, so now I blame them every time some arsehole in a brand new [Volvo: the new Audi: the new BMW] blinds me.