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Last year I was riding the Ridgeway somewhere in darkest Wiltshire, and needed to stop for a poo. I had been riding for sometime aware that I was going to have to stop, so had been looking for a good place, and where I could see no people.
There was a stretch of the trail that was really wide and had a hedgerow on one side, so I stopped and slipped off my lycra in the hedgerow. I had a bit of bog roll in my camelbak for just such an eventuality
There was nobody about, but once I had finished and while I was sorting out my clothing, this chocolate labrador came snuffling along the trail, followed in the distance by a woman.
I had plenty of time, she was miles away, the dog was still 30 yards away, so I tried to bury the bog roll, but the soil was hard, and I couldn't get much soil loose with my shoe to cover it very effectively.
I paid little attention as I put my jersey back on and got back on the bike. As I turned round to set off I noticed the labrador snacking on the turd I had just laid.
I tried to shoo it away, but it just came back and carried on. I was really nauseated, I kept trying to drive the dog away, but no matter how hard I tried it always managed to grab another bite.
By now I was almost puking, and there was almost nothing of my turd left, except all over the dogs face. The woman was only a few yards away, and was hurrying because she could see me trying to get her dog to leave the shit alone, only she didn't realise what it was at the time. With one last desperate bellow I got the dog to leave it and it ran off towards it's owner, but not before it grabbed the last delicacy, the bit of toilet paper I had been unable to bury.
So with this last little morsel hanging from it's mouth it ran off to greet it's owner as I cycled trying desperately not to puke as well. I didn't look back. -
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