Settle an argument for me

To cut a long story short my wife secretly watched me through our bathroom door whilst I went for a poo. I only realised she was watching when she started laughing.

What’s so funny I said?

You wipe your bum standing!!! Lol

Doesn’t everyone??? Apparently not. We’ve got a good sample size on here so how do you do yours?

Is there a way to set up a poll on here?

What sort of freak wipes sitting down?

I found this on line the freaks are the majority

1 Attachment

https://www.drench.co.uk/p/vellamo-smart-japanese-style-bidet-toilet-seat
Its not njs but it is the future.
Edit its a bargain btw

Standing up?! You filthy animal

When sitting down how on earth can you get your hand to your arse? The toilet seat gets in the way!!!

how do you get your hand up there when standing with both buttocks clenched
sat down, tilted forward, leaning slightly, cheeks apart

Sitting down. What is up with you lot standing up?

scrunch or fold?

scrunch or fold?

Back to front or front to back?

You’ll have to start a new thread for that one

Slow down cowboy....your wife is watching you poo?

Forget the other standing up stuff.

You're supposed to wipe?

Just use disposable bums

I need those for ultra racing.

Caught my cat doing this once. Chased him down and pulled a small piece of plastic out of his arse. Probably tape, he loves that sweet sweet tape. Traumatising for us both but I think he forgot about it much quicker than me.

Slide down the bannister bare-assed

Was she watching you to see how you wipe? How long had she been suspicious?

Obviously you're meant to wipe sat down. How else do you apply security paste?

Ridiculous. Sitting is the only way.
The real issue is how many sheets per wipe???

Sometimes I even put one foot on the actual shitter, to triangulate the wipe force, for maximum tagnut removal.
Next blokes will be telling us they sit for a slash

Well it’s actually better for you. Plus no one want p155 on their pants do they? When you thought you got it all out then feel that trickle

is there a long version to this story ?

Sit down pees at home, sit down wipe, always have the lid down before flushing.

All toilet stuff should stay as much in the toilet as poss. All you stand uppers are animals.