Liar's Wednesday

Happy Liar's Wednesday everyone.

For one day only you can make up any old bollocks and it can't be verified by Jimmy 'I can see through your clothes' Wales.

I'll get the ball rolling.

Vegetarians are allowed to eat turkey mince. It's the only mince that doesn't count.

Rabits have been known to turn to cannibalism it is the only time that they abandon their strict vegan principles

Chaz Michael Michaels Is Figure Skating

Don't know who that is I'd better look him up on Wikipedia..................................Oh

All memories are created by bacteria.

If you carefully remove the top of the skull and give the brain a once over with a wet wipe, you remove all memories.

I am the walrus...

Fred Dibnah invented the Catholic church in 1947.

If you bite down very hard on your tongue about 1cm from the tip it is painless and will grow back with new taste receptors, which make all food taste absolutely stunning.

Road cyclists and mountain bikers hold daily open house brainstorming forums at the green tea hut in Epping. Japes, conversation, friendly advice and cycling feedback guaranteed.

The black bits in bananas *are *spiders eggs

Whelks are the only completely homosexual aquatic bivalve.

The only reason the manage to procreate is by accident, because they all look the same.

Whilst tying his horse outside the scummy saloon that will see the demise of his enemy in 'a few dollars more', The Man With No Name is accidentally referred to as 'Tosh' by the passing undertaker in the immortal line, 'You can't leave that there, Tosh'

The slang usage went unnoticed by the director who misunderstood the British actor playing the undertaker. Similar errors occurred in the sound of music, when the train guard mutters 'alright Geez' and Watership Down, when Bigwig cries 'Come on you cunts, let's 'ave it'

it wasn't me

Until 1647, South America was completely submerged for half the year. It would pop out of the sea in Winter when it snowed in Alaska, and the weight of the snow created a 'see-saw' effect that made Alaska dip down a bit, thus allowing South America to rise majestically out of the sea.

All the snow built up over the years so that now South America is out of the sea all the time, but they are really shitting it about global warming, but fat Americans and Alaskans are keeping the balance where it is, for now.

Oh I can see myself spending a few rep tokens today! (not a lie)

Mick Jagger inadvertently invented Dubstep in 1969 whilst on tour with the Stones in Europe. Ronnie Wood placed a whoopie cushion under Mick's chair backstage as a prank - Mick liked the ensuing flatulent bass notes so much he recorded an entire album of proto-electronic* ribald* farty noises - 'A real Bronx Cheer' - with Jaki Liebezeit and Holger Czukay, soon to be members of German Krautrock exponents Can. However, fearing Stones fans would turn away from the group after hearing what has been described as 'An endless cacophony of build ups...a breakdown...followed by shit 'Wub Wub' noises' the LP never saw the light of day. In 2001, Professor Brian Cox of D:Ream fame bought the rights to the entire Stones back catalogue and gave the unheard demo tapes to singer Adele, his close personal friend and half Sister, who gave them to some little scrote she knows who has a computer and a copy of Reason at home, which is well good. The rest, is history.....

Reversing the spin of the Earth enables time travel.

Dick Van Dyke invented the DVD and named it after himself.

Wikipedia can fuck off. I don't want it back. I just want this thread (no lie)

The USA is actually one of the least populated places in the world. Since WW1 their government has been paying actors from other countries to fly over and pretend to be American. Most of the Americans died in WW1 but it didn't want to seem weak - the troops they sent over to fight in WW2 were actually captured Japanese and South Americans made up to look like Yanks. Around 1500 'Americans' are flown around the states to make the place look busier than it is whenever foreign cameras are rolling, that's why they seem to all look the same.

there is no such thing as the colour green.

It's just blue with a bit of yellow in it.

This is true^ you broke the thread.

The queen's shit doesn't stink.

Dick Van Dyke invented the DVD and named it after himself.

That is fucking inspired

^^Are you referring to Prince Charles?