You know it's the Bonk when...

As my vision blurred, my lungs strained to suck in vital O2, my thighs shuddered and screamed at me and I shook like a frightened rabbit in a thunderstorm, climbing a hill two thirds into todays trundle. My riding partner patiently slowed to geriatric pace to talk me up the slope while I fought the urge to jump off the bike and assume a fetal position on pavement. This - I thought to myself between waves of nausea - this must be the Bonk.

So what are your experiences of hitting the proverbial wall. When have you taken a prolonged and humbling visit to the pain cave? And what are the sure signs that you too are bonking?

Rising from the saddle to give it a bit of welly (the alternative would be to grind to an embarrassing halt on an easy Essex hill) only to discover you have the legs of a newborn giraffe?

Lungs expanding of their own accord - spasms trying to drag air in despite having been at max capacity for about two minutes of eye bulging gasps?

Bizarre hallucinatory visions of coffee shacks with piles of ginger cake and steaming tea despite actually being miles and miles from anywhere, nothing but the rain and the smell of pig shit in your nostrils, your front wheel flirting with the grass verge as your concentration ebbs and flows?

Share the pain. Cause and effect.

A nodder on a dutch bike cruises past you.

Being out of the saddle climbing as you can't sit, having nothing left, coming to an almost stationary pause and then just going again and again; ala Tommy V this year TDF, boy can he come back and keep going from nothing.

I've taken two energy gels in the past year - both times I've bonked about 15 miles later (despite feeling ok when the gel was taken). I've never bonked on any other occasion. Coincidence?

I consumed ~26 gels in the 24 hour TT amongst other things (powerbars and pasta). Given that I finished the 24hr I don't think you can blame gels for the bonk.

wtf? Cycle 'sport' makes me cringe.

at about 3 in morning of the dunwich dynamo I started halucinating and when I tried to get out the saddle my legs just collapsed. I should have expected it because I eat hardly anything and rode too fast at the beginning. 3 Mule Bars and a sunrise later and I was good as gold.

weak and wobbly as anything, judicious application of Eccles cakes soon saw me right again though.

you have to stop 30 miles from home and beg food from a roadside burger van to keep the pedals turning

This isn't related to cycling but last year I was testing for my second degree black belt.

A belly full of butterflies and paste on a winters morning, standing in a cold gymnasium hall. Water breaks were not permitted unless stated, so we all took in a reasonable amount. 3 hours into the testing and after numerous agonising methods of testing as well memory tests...I hit the 'wall'. My legs felt like jelly, my mind was blank and the dizziness was uncontrollable. I couldn't carry on my task. Seeing me in this state the instructor thankfully gave us all a waterbreak, not to single me out. At the first sip the room span out of control and I blacked out for about 3 seconds. After a fair amount orange juice and those energy bars, I was back on the mats and was awarded my second degree black belt the following week.

Metal prep is key with anything which calls on endurance.

After doing a 50 mile ride with a couple of guys who average a few mph more than me, I had to get off and walk the 'hill' between Bromley and Grove Park. I would estimate it's probably 3% for roughly 300 yards. After that it's all downhill to my house, although I was almost in too much pain to get back on and freewheel.

wtf? Cycle 'sport' makes me cringe.

With the exception of Hippy and Yannis I reckon there's little or no 'sport' to be found in these yarns. Sport would add stress and anxiety to the obvious lack of stamina. If I were up against anything other than the miles between me and my sofa I'd almost certainly vom, cry and fall asleep by the road.

This isn't related to cycling but last year I was testing for my second degree black belt.

A belly full of butterflies and paste on a winters morning, standing in a cold gymnasium hall. Water breaks were not permitted unless stated, so we all took in a reasonable amount. 3 hours into the testing and after numerous agonising methods of testing as well memory tests...I hit the 'wall'. My legs felt like jelly, my mind was blank and the dizziness was uncontrollable. I couldn't carry on my task. Seeing me in this state the instructor thankfully gave us all a waterbreak, not to single me out. At the first sip the room span out of control and I blacked out for about 3 seconds. After a fair amount orange juice and those energy bars, I was back on the mats and was awarded my second degree black belt the following week.

Metal prep is key with anything which calls on endurance.

This / you are mental! (would absolutely not say this to your face).

There is no bonk, there is only the talented, and the less talented.

"“WHAT IS TALENT, REALLY? … [INDENT] *“… IS IT THE FACT THAT YOUR HEART PUMPS MORE VOLUME THAN THE AVERAGE PERSON’S, OR THAT YOUR BLOOD TURNS LESS ACIDIC WHEN EXERCISING SO THAT YOU RECOVER FASTER? NO—TALENT HAS TO DO WITH YOUR CAPACITY FOR SUFFERING. YOU JUST LEARN TO SUFFER MORE.
*

IN THE END, MAYBE, THERE IS NO EXPLAINING."

-Eddie Merkx, as taken from Big Ring Riding blog

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He would say that!

I rode to Cambridge non stop at 17.4mph on 66GI with a couple of forumengers yesterday. I spent the last 15 miles deep in the pain cave. My new saddle gave me pins and needles in my right leg in addition to a corker of a saddle sore, my vision became tunnelled and my lungs were screaming for a break.

We came across some Condor riders out on a training run (they came across us really). I sat with them for a two minute chat on a downhill. My Garmin said I was doing 34mph and 176rpm...I'm pretty certain I nearly blacked out when I admitted to them that I was about to pass out and had to leave them to it.

I'm still feeling a bit woozy today. What an awesome day out.

^ All of this probably could have been avoided if I hadn't run out of water with 15mi to go, if I had eaten and if I had used an old saddle.

Day 2 of 8 FF tour 2007.. I hadn't had a good start that morning felt ill at breakfast, only had a banana that's all, stopped for lunch briefly, had a can of coke..

the climb to Lac de Roselend from Beaufort was pure hell, i've been dropped by my group after a puncture, now riding solo.. no support, no food, one gel remaining and the beginning of a mouth ulcer now irritating me.. even though the climb from Beaufort is only 20km it climbs 1227m with varying gradient of between 6-10%.. I had to stop, before I called for help and considering abandoning the ride, Kat Spencer shows up and saves me from total oblivion, I can't move at all. One flapjack and Nuun tablet in the bidon filled at stream and escort to the col.. kept me in the ride from Geneva to Cannes. I will never forget my first bonk with Kat Spencer, she is and will always be my saviour.

Kat had recently lost her dad to cancer, this was more than a ride across mountains for her. I have never seen such bravery skill, determination before. I repaid that support in 2010 from Bourg Ste Maurice to Val D'Isere..

Galibier 2011:

Dumping gears like there's no tomorrow on the lower slopes, slowing to a halt when the U comes back on itself over the bridge, vision blurring, the world expanding and contracting, where's the fucking shade?! Can't even look at HRM - I'm way gone, getting out of the saddle feels even slower than being in it - the only thing that still works is my arms so I lean on them.

Only one working leg after injuring myself on the Telegraph, and somethings wrong with my rear mech, no 26 - just 23 - I hate that 23, can't stop to look at it so I pump the working leg, it feels like it's got poison running through it. A grey haired French man runs along side me screaming "ALLLLLEEEEEZZZZZ!!!" but stops as soon as he sees I'm dead - I can't even drink, all I can do is stay on the bike.

Where's that shade - this place is like the moon. Here comes the cramp

I haven't bonked since that fateful day in 2007, there was a neat trick of packing honey (squeezable) for those trips.. also eating a full breakfast in the hotel.. porridge, bread with ham and cheese, even a boiled egg before putting 60-100miles in each day.. still wasn't enough to see me to lunchtime though. so a honey / butter sandwich stashed in back pocket for around 11am did the trick. not missing lunch also vital,

especially when you burn 6000 - 7000 calories each day.. and adding salt to bottles of coke to prevent cramp in hot weather..

Peanut butter and honey sandwich is my emergency food now. It always feels so comforting after gels, electrolytes and other space food...

I've given up eating gels as emergency food - they only ever make me feel sick. Work well if ingested when not under stress though

Dan I totally agree. peanut butter and honey ftw..
it is important I think to consume fat, protein as well
as carbs.. as a cyclist for longer rides

I rode to Cambridge non stop at 17.4mph on 66GI with a couple of forumengers yesterday.....My Garmin said I was doing 34mph and 176rpm...I'm pretty certain I nearly blacked out when I admitted to them that I was about to pass out and had to leave them to it.

...What an awesome day out.

^ repped.

"You must spread some reputation before giving it to Dan again"

There is no bonk, there is only the talented, and the less talented.

"“WHAT IS TALENT, REALLY? …[INDENT] *“… IS IT THE FACT THAT YOUR HEART PUMPS MORE VOLUME THAN THE AVERAGE PERSON’S, OR THAT YOUR BLOOD TURNS LESS ACIDIC WHEN EXERCISING SO THAT YOU RECOVER FASTER? NO—TALENT HAS TO DO WITH YOUR CAPACITY FOR SUFFERING. YOU JUST LEARN TO SUFFER MORE.
*

IN THE END, MAYBE, THERE IS NO EXPLAINING."

-Eddie Merkx, as taken from Big Ring Riding blog

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Merckx tested positive three times so he can go and get fucked.