Monkey Tennis

Lets have your fictional Partridge style programme pitches......

David Jason's World of Juggling. Join TV's loveable Del Boy (played by actor David Jason) as he embarks on a 6 part look at juggling through the ages. Part 1 takes a look at the influence that juggling has had on unemployed trustafarians in Bristol (Programme contains images of stripey clown style trousers that some viewers may find distressing)

ha! was oddly watching that clip yesterday, love it, here it is for inspiration
YouTube - Alan Partridge 2.4 Monkey Tennis.mp4

I'd just endlessly parrot ideas from http://www.tvgohome.com.

"Wanking for coke" is my favourite one.

Location Location Dislocation. Join professional wrestler Mick McManus as he puts a young couple in a headlock and shows them around local properties. Can they find their dream home before losing consciousness?

Total annoying celebrity Wipe Out : The soft padded revolving arm on the 'Sweeper' is replaced with a studded metal club which bludgeons the likes of James Martin, Kerry Katona or Graham Norton, horribly maiming or hopefully killing them and leaving them to fall into a blood filled pool and therefore eliminating their presence from any form of media ever again........too much?

Crap in the Attic: Leather skinned antiques officianado David Dickheadson, visits the lofts of various elderly couples in Wiltshire, and does a shite in them, before offering it for auction.

Who the fuck do you think you are.

A show where unbearably arrogant and aggressive people trace awful bastards in history that they might be related to.

Hex Factor.

Would-be witches, wizards and shaman cast spells over Simon Cowell.

The first one to make his cock drop off wins.

Bluesnight.

Depressing news roundup

^ ha ha! love that!

The South Wank Show.

A grumpy Northerner takes piss out of everything in the South for fifty minutes.

Catfight

Hosted by Martin Kemp, the show explores the vicious world womens barenuckle boxing.

The old grey whistle test

Pensioners whistle their favourite tune on the hard shoulder of the M1 and people have to try and guess the tune before they get out of breath and stumble into oncoming traffic.

Big Mother

Fly on the wall documentary about an obese bed-bound woman being kept barely alive by a filthy litter of benefit supported bastard offspring. With hilarious consequences!

What do you mean Five already did it?

Qur'an-Nation Street

Something about Bradford

Top of the Cops

A show that pits the best policemen from around the UK against one another in a series of grueling challenges.
The winner is named Top Cop and gets to choose between £10,000 cash or can take a chance in The Cell where he has the possibility of doubling his money or losing it all.

The Cell is an exact reproduction of a standard prison cell from Wormwood Scrubs, you have 2 minutes to find the contraband (could be drugs, shanks, money etc).
Might sound easy, it isnt.
Youll be up against a criminal that you helped to get sent down, hell be trying his best to stop you finding his contraband.
Hosted by Danny Dyer. To be shown after watershed.

Ray Mearskat Manor

Watch the trials and tribulations of Ray and his extended family of Mearskats as they try to survive on the harsh desert plains of the Kalahari

^I'd watch that

The Bill

• a costed list of the day to day running of the country is presented to a loveable celebrity and they decide which bits they don't want to pay for, and they keep the money themselves.
  
  

First episode: Jordan decides the local hospital isn't as nice as the bupa one, so the NHS is cut.

Ross Kemp in Southall

TV 'hard man' Ross Kemp has to survive a night on the streets of Southall with no tent, food, or money.

Flash in the Attic

80's rap star Grandmaster Flash has to live undetected in the attics of various minor celebrities for one week

M.A.S.H. in the attic.

The Jeans Genie

Well known jeans aficionado Jeremy Clarkson looks at the history of jeans, interviewing dozens of c list celebs about their experience of wearing jeans, people called Gene or Jean and some outlandish uses of jeans along the way in his own unique style.

Only available on Five.

Malcolm McLaren in the middle

Hilarious sitcom featuring the corpse of punk idol Malcolm McLaren and two sisters who don't get on.

Think Mr Dead for the [strike]noughties[/strike]10s.

Come Die With Me

Serious, analytical Channel 4 documentary about Switzerland's euthanasia industry.