Wanted: Gimme a fucken sofa

It just occurred to me the other day that I have no furniture, don't get me wrong I am not a fucking barbarian - I have a bed and a chair to sit on as I work on my homePC™ - but what I need is a sofa, a big soft luxurious chair to sit on and watch 'The Matrix' whilst I eat indeterminate mixed slurry from a heated styrofoam trough.

I want this good life.

What do you have, I am prepared to pay anything, but you will need to deliver it to me as I lack the willing to change anything about my life, I am in King Cross and am drunk/angry on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and Sundays, but all the other days I am a happy and enthusiastic trader with cash.

Nothing flashy.

Do you have anything a little less 'luxurious' ?

I've got a 'graham' you can borrow him for £20 a night, he can get a little fruity at times but a sharp slap normally keeps him in check. PM me.

It just occurred to me the other day that I have no furniture, don't get me wrong I am not a fucking barbarian - I have a bed and a chair to sit on as I work on my homePC™ - but what I need is a sofa, a big soft luxurious chair to sit on and watch 'The Matrix' whilst I eat indeterminate mixed slurry from a heated styrofoam trough.

I want this good life.

What do you have, I am prepared to pay anything, but you will need to deliver it to me as I lack the willing to change anything about my life, I am in King Cross and am drunk/angry on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and Sundays, but all the other days I am a happy and enthusiastic trader with cash.

Nothing flashy.

I work in a shop that sells such things. Some are flashy till the day they die, some are more modest in both price and appearance.

I've got a 'graham' you can borrow him for £20 a night, he can get a little fruity at times but a sharp slap normally keeps him in check. PM me.

As much as I love the popular sexual performer Graham Nortons (apologies BMMF) I was ideally after something inert.

I work in a shop that sells such things. Some are flashy till the day they die, some are more modest in both price and appearance.

Whatchugot ? I don't want no wicker shit - and it needs to meet basic European flammable regulations.

I have this, comes with individual.
199 queen coins.

He'll deliver it, and stay around aswell.

As much as I love the popular sexual performer Graham Nortons (apologies BMMF) I was ideally after something inert.

ok, ok, you can have him sedated for £25 a night, dead will be £35 and you'll have to wait until rigamortis sets in so I can deliver by Saturday lunch time ( he'll be ready in the morning but I've got to drop Philip Schofield off in Acton at 10.30)

I am not sure you are taking my furniturial needs seriously.

I have this, comes with individual.
199 queen coins.

ok, ok, you can have him sedated for £25 a night, dead will be £35 and you'll have to wait until rigamortis sets in so I can deliver by Saturday lunch time ( he'll be ready in the morning but I've got to drop Philip Schofield off in Acton at 10.30)

hmmm, sorry.

What you think of this:

hmmm, sorry.

What you think of this:

It's better than my 'hard chair'.

:(

tynan, have you considered 'your bum'.

Don't make me go to DFS you bastards.

Sit and spin?

Would this be suitable?

. . . [get's his trousers on ready to go to DFS]

Go to Ikea. They also have meatballs.

Ha! What happened to CockLovingGrahamNorton?

DFS will not have meatballs.

Go to Ikea. They also have meatballs.

Dibs, if you split.