City News

Somali Pirates in Discussions to Acquire Citigroup
November 20 (Bloomberg) -- The Somali pirates, renegade Somalis known for hijacking ships for ransom in the Gulf of Aden, are negotiating a purchase of Citigroup.
The pirates would buy Citigroup with new debt and their existing cash stockpiles, earned most recently from hijacking numerous ships, including most recently a $200 million Saudi Arabian oil tanker. The Somali pirates are offering up to $0.10 per share for Citigroup, pirate spokesman Sugule Ali said earlier today. The negotiations have entered the final stage, Ali said. ``You may not like our price, but we are not in the business of paying for things. Be happy we are in the mood to offer the shareholders anything," said Ali.
The pirates will finance part of the purchase by selling new Pirate Ransom Backed Securities. The PRBS's are backed by the cash flows from future ransom payments from hijackings in the Gulf of Aden. Moody's and S&P have already issued their top investment grade ratings for the PRBS's.
Head pirate, Ubu Kalid Shandu, said "we need a bank so that we have a place to keep all of our ransom money. Thankfully, the dislocations in the capital markets has allowed us to purchase Citigroup at an attractive valuation and to take advantage of TARP capital to grow the business even faster."
Shandu added, "We don't call ourselves pirates. We are coastguards and this will just allow us to guard our coasts better."

Not being funny, but why don't they just send in the SAS?

Why would they? What on earth have the SAS got to do with Somali citizens hijacking a Saudi ship in open seas?

Cos the area they're in is bigger than the Med & the Red Sea combined, its a needle in a haystack thing innit.

They could try arresting some of the Western fishing fleet that's been illegally fishing there for the last five years too. Damn, I can't shake this bleedingheartliberaldisease thing at the moment.

And I've love to be a SpokesPirate. Arrgh.

i had a look at the coastline these pirates are operating along and there literally is fuck all there. there are no ports big enough to unload the cargo and it literally is a group of shacks and a few small boats that that these pirates operate from.
this is the nearest inland town to the ship.
http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?q=4.654488,+47.857432&ie=UTF8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-a&hl=en&geocode=FZgFRwAdGD_aAg

and here is a group of huts and a few boats on the beach probably where reale bona-fide pirates live and drink rum.

http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?q=5.005184,+48.269398&ie=UTF8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-a&hl=en&geocode=FYBfTAAdVojgAg

if link fail the googlemaps co-ordinates
5.005184, 48.269398
4.654488,47.857432

Sounds more like the sort of job the Spetsnaz (Russian Special Forces) would get involved in. Russia has a few warships in the area, the desire to re-establish itself as a military power, get on the good side of the oil rich gulf states and historically not too concerned about military incursions into foreign countries. They also don't mind if a few hostages die which makes them a lot more likely to carry out this sort of operation.

Why would they? What on earth have the SAS got to do with Somali citizens hijacking a Saudi ship in open seas?

Cos the one they got the other day is captained by 2 Brits - if they don't get the ransom then claret may be spilt

They're all insured up to the eyeballs though aren't they? If you were a Polynesian/Russian/HK crew member earning practically nothing, I'm sure you're not going to try and protect the cargo, cos you're not going to get any money for losing a leg, but the owner of the cargo will get reimbursed by Lloyds.

Fun that the price of a barrel of oil went up by a dollar cos of some Somalians with a rubber dinghy.

Avast me hearties! I think I might 'pirate' myself a Porsche for the ride drive home tonight. Wicked!

this wouldn't actually happen would it?

They're all insured up to the eyeballs though aren't they? If you were a Polynesian/Russian/HK crew member earning practically nothing, I'm sure you're not going to try and protect the cargo, cos you're not going to get any money for losing a leg, but the owner of the cargo will get reimbursed by Lloyds.

Fun that the price of a barrel of oil went up by a dollar cos of some Somalians with a rubber dinghy.

Marine underwriters at Lloyds are loving this. Premium rates in the marine market have been very low. These attacks allow rates to climb across the board while, at the same time, presenting a very good chance of a full or near full recovery.

Does anyone lose out in all this? The pirates get a ransom, the shipping company get their ship and crew back, the owner of the cargo gets the cargo back.

Why, one could almost imagine it being conspired.

I've got a story about the SAS banging Cheryl Cole while Ashley was doing the shake 'n' vac in the downstairs loo.

what's that up in the sky flying overhead.

what's that up in the sky flying overhead.

Pistanator's grip on reality?