Manners

"I am dismayed at the rudeness shown on Internet forums. If a person is rude to a stranger online simply because they can remain anonymous, is there a chance that rudeness will spill over into their every day lives? I can't see where being rude online helps a person with their social skills in interacting with others in day to day situations.

The cyclist, who posts an angry comment on an Internet forum, is just as likely to get on his bike and flip a finger at the first motorist they perceived had made a wrong move. Both the cyclist and motorist do not see a fellow human being, but some anonymous figure; much like the one on the Internet.

Much of the carnage on our roads today is caused by rude, angry people behind the steering wheel. Rude, angry cyclists are mostly a danger only to themselves. How did these people become so consumed by anger? It does seem to be a growing trend.

When I started cycling, I was fortunate that I was able to join a cycling club. There were other members of the club, older and more experienced, who taught me all I needed to know about the bicycle and the skills required to ride it.

Today, there are still such local clubs, but it seems most would prefer to go on Internet forums as their source of knowledge. The problem is the experienced people with knowledge to share do not go there because they are often treated with contempt and rudeness.

There is now a whole generation for whom there has always been an Internet, and cell phones, and there has always been rudeness. Rudeness is accepted as the norm. One time when I protested the online rudeness, I was told, “It’s an Internet forum, what do you expect?” Actually, I expected politeness, how naive of me.

Rudeness has no beneficiaries, either those dishing out the rudeness or the recipient. It makes people angry; the person being rude is angry because they see themselves as right in a situation and the other person is an idiot. And of course the recipient of the rudeness is also angry."

Is this a quote?

Who are you quoting?

"what shit you chattin'?"

It's a passage from Dante's 'Inferno'.

"In order to present a good impression to others, you need to act like you weren't raised in a barn! It is very difficult to deal with people that have no manners or have no concern for others. One of the biggest societal issues we face today is a general lack of respect for what has been taught in history in regards to human concern and compassion for those you do not know well.

"Good Manners" are indeed an increasingly archaic school of ideas and actions that display respect, care, and consideration. All humans have a basic right to help one another and feel positive about themselves and others around them. In our age of self-satisfaction, cell phone technology and instant internet gratification - it is sometimes hypothesized that we care more for our equipment and high tech gadgets than the very people they are made for.

If you don't have an etiquette resource you should keep reading for more ideas. Consider picking up an etiquette book. There are many available. Some community colleges offer weekend lessons in etiquette and most are open to all ages. Taking a class is a great idea for teens, professionals or anyone looking to make better impressions.

If, instead, you would rather learn from real-world examples - study the positive effects of those who display good manners and how people react to and around them. It's basic common sense that everyone prefers to be treated with a good amount of respect. If you nurture plants, animals, or other humans, not only will they grow and bloom - but you will as well. Outside of material goods - the basic thing we all really own in life are ourselves and our actions."

See we can all cut and paste things.

"what shit you chattin'?"

+1
How fuckin rude, comin on to our forum and chattin shit! ;-)

@ object
OP put their cut and paste in quotes so you could tell it was such.
I was confused and scared by your post because it didn't contain your usual profanities (smiley face)

It's a passage from Dante's 'Inferno'.

shame it came without those marvelous engravings by Gustav Doré.

"Much of the carnage on our roads today is caused by rude, angry people behind the steering wheel."

Really? I thought it was caused by, tiredness, not paying attention and alcohol!

"The problem is the experienced people with knowledge to share do not go there because they are often treated with contempt and rudeness."

I think a lot of the 'experienced people with knowledge' on this forum help dish out the rudeness!

I don't think you can say that rudeness is a modern phenomenon which can be attributed to the proliferation of internet forums, or that being rude is always a bad thing - my girlfriend quite likes a bit of rude behaviour sometimes! If someone has been rude to you, swear back at them and laugh it off! That's what we do to each other, both on the forum, and in real life - no-one takes it too seriously.

@ object
OP put their cut and paste in quotes so you could tell it was such.
I was confused and scared by your post because it didn't contain your usual profanities (smiley face)
Fixed but only because you refrained from using the insufferable smileys.

I disagree, one cannot define the the way in which people should interact on 'internet forums' with a wide brush, as you are attempting to do here.

There are plenty of (successful, respected and productive) internet forums where the mode of communication is one that would not be acceptable in the real world. (check slashdot, popbitch and even lfgss).

There are also forums on the internet where rudeness is not tolerated and all members are very polite to one another. Most cookery discussion groups that I have seen conform to this model.

The problem is that it is hard to identify which types of forums are which on the cursory glance that it takes to have a look at them, click the register button and then dive in, posting left, right and centre.

If you take LFGSS as an example. It started out as a small bunch of people who actually knew one another, met up and had beers with one another. For a large, but dwindling, set of the current users of LFGSS, the same is still true. Now, such social groupings (mates, for want of a better term) tend to be quite informal with each other and even sometimes rude. It is understood that this rudeness is meant in a friendly way and is even based on respect and mutual admiration.

The problem in the online community is that new people, who you have never met are suddenly involved in conversations between people who actually know each other very well and behave in an apposite manner. This can be quite off putting, if not offensive to the newcomer.

Fortunately, there is a good way around the above problem: Lurk before joining. Read the threads for a while. Get a feel for what type of community it is. If you don't like it then don't join in. Feel free to benefit from whatever passive advice and wisdom you can receive. Possibly even join in to ask specific questions, knowing full well what kind of response you may get.

The analogy for me is of being in a pub, on your own and seeing a group of friends, talking loudly and having a good time. You notice that they are talking about something completely fascinating that you want to talk about. Would you simply go over and start talking to them, without introducing yourself? Without assessing whether they look friendly or like baby-killers? If they are very polite would you talk to them in a coarse, vulgar manner, f'ing and blinding? What about the reverse?

So, no, I don't think that good manners should be the norm for all internet forums in the same way that I don't think there is a single etiquette standard for all forms of human interaction.

And Mashton must have a point as he wrote all those words himself. No cut and paste required. Fear the might of mashtons words.

The analogy for me is of being in a pub, on your own and seeing a group of friends, talking loudly and having a good time. You notice that they are talking about something completely fascinating that you want to talk about. Would you simply go over and start talking to them, without introducing yourself? Without assessing whether they look friendly or like baby-killers? If they are very polite would you talk to them in a coarse, vulgar manner, f'ing and blinding? What about the reverse?
I would (and do) happily talk to total strangers in a pub with nothing more than a brief introduction of, "Hi, I'm Object...........................RANTRANTRANTRANT". It works beautifully for me.

7 paragraphs, 2 lines per paragraph.

If someone has been rude to you, swear back at them and laugh it off! That's what we do to each other, both on the forum, and in real life - no-one takes it too seriously.

Rising above it is also a good option sometimes.

I think I do find myself using lfgss' famous c word more often than is necassary nowadays.
I quite like the passage, I shall attempt to be more civilised this evening (until the first car murder attempt on the way home then i'll probably revert to normal)

It is understood that this rudeness is meant in a friendly way and is even based on respect and mutual admiration.

I have no admiration for any of you, only contempt.

I only see you guys when I am feeling shit about myself, because I know I can look at you lot and think to myself, "No matter how shit I am, at least I am not as bad as any of these half wits".

I am sure it is the same for others.

P.S When you quote someone you should reference them properly.

F.a.f ^^^^^^^^

I have no admiration for any of you, only contempt.

P.S When you quote someone you should reference them properly.

yeah was just waiting for the responses first...

http://davesbikeblog.blogspot.com/2008/07/is-there-connection-between-technology.html

Dave Moulton

• Gender: Male
  
• Astrological Sign: Aquarius
  
• Industry: Arts
  
• Occupation: Writer and Songwiter; publishes under the name E. David Moulton
  
• Location: Charleston : South Carolina : United States
  
  

About Me

I am an ex-bicycle framebuilder, now a writer with a published novel called Prodigal Child. Originally from England, I emigrated to the US in 1979. I worked for Vic and Mike Fraysse in Ridgfield Park, NJ and built frames under their Paris Sport name. I later moved to Southern California and worked for Masi Bicycles In 1983 I opened my own Frameshop in San Marcos, CA (San Diego County.) and built custom frames under my own name. I also built under the brand names, John Howard, Fuso, and Recherche. I retired from framebuilding in 1993 and went on to pursue my other passion of writing and songwriting.

Why is it that when people post stuff like Koens complaint, They always seem to complain and then run away never to return to finish or take part in the discussion they started in the first place? I think a lot of people mistake sarcasm and familiarity for rudeness. In New York "Fuck You!" can be like saying "How you doin'?" Saying all that, my girlfriend is forever pointing out that I drop the "F-Bomb" constantly in conversations with people, and it's a bit much. I used to get all defensive about it, but I realise that I am so used to hanging out with people who do the same, that I forget it's not always appropriate in all conversations. So yeah I think a bit of civility has dissapeared in society and it's sort of sad. So I'm not in total disagreement with Koens But I still think he/she needs to just HTFU! If you cant stand the heat get away from the fire!

I think that Mr Moulton has a point in a general sense; I'm not sure of the OP's intentions when posting this thread on LFGSS, however. Seems a bit passive aggressive to me (could this go in the ridiculous notes thread?). I think Mashton's pub analogy answers the latter pretty well.

I also think that the Internet desensitizes and reduces people's ability to empathise - check some of the Epic Fail posts for proof of this.