Lmao

[FONT=Trebuchet MS]There is a God. He rides a bike and I saw him in action today.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]I was toodling down the middle of a narrowish road on my way home from work tonight. [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]Standard set up: Two lines of stationary cars with a clear avenue in the middle. No bother at all.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]The queue in my direction was caused by a parked van.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]As I approached the lead car waiting to pass the van ( one of those Mazda hairdresser sporty things) The driver half climbed out of the window (soft to up as it was raining) and shouted at me "wait your f***ing turn like the rest of us". [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]I stopped to avoid hitting him and being a little taken aback said (highly original this) "pardon?” He then launched into a [/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet MS]colourful[/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet MS] diatribe on my parentage, sexual orientation, penis size etc etc (you know, lots of monosybalics ending in k and T)[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]Anyway, [/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet MS]realising[/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet MS] that he was in fact a total cnut I told him to get a life and toodled off past the parked van.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]About 200m down the road are a series of speed humps. The first two are pretty pathetic but the third is an absolute beauty.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]As I was about 50m from the third hump I heard a dramatic revving of engine followed by an equally dramatic slidy braking noise. I looked round and saw Mr Hairdresser clear the second hump and accelerate like a banshee towards the third, he passed me mouthing (I assume) insults and gesticulating wildly.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]Straight into the third hump. [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]There was an almighty clang/grind/crunch and it all went quite.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]Everyone just stared in amazement as a pool of oil started to spread from under the car.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]I was laughing so much I had to sit on the kerb before I fell off my bike, it was so bad I could hardly breathe, and I was not alone. A fair few peds also found it highly amusing.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]Mr Mazda got out, looked under the car, stood up and looked towards me and started screaming, really full on screaming. I was in tears.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]I have never laughed so much; I thought I was going to piss myself.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]At which point a pedaling plod appeared from the opposite direction and took charge of Mr. hysterical.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]Jumped back on my bike and trundled past the pair of them (I was having trouble keeping a straight line I was still laughing so much).[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]I caught the words "warning and public order" from plod as I carried on my merry way.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]As said, there really is a God.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]Toodle pip [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
FONT=Trebuchet MS[/FONT]

Sorry, I don't know what the hell happened there.

Toodle pip

fail

[FONT=Trebuchet MS]There is a God. He rides a bike and I saw him in action today.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]I was toodling down the middle of a narrowish road on my way home from work tonight. [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]Standard set up: Two lines of stationary cars with a clear avenue in the middle. No bother at all.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]The queue in my direction was caused by a parked van.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]As I approached the lead car waiting to pass the van ( one of those Mazda hairdresser sporty things) The driver half climbed out of the window (soft to up as it was raining) and shouted at me "wait your f***ing turn like the rest of us". [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]I stopped to avoid hitting him and being a little taken aback said (highly original this) "pardon?” He then launched into a [/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet MS]colourful[/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet MS] diatribe on my parentage, sexual orientation, penis size etc etc (you know, lots of monosybalics ending in k and T)[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]Anyway, [/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet MS]realising[/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet MS] that he was in fact a total cnut I told him to get a life and toodled off past the parked van.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]About 200m down the road are a series of speed humps. The first two are pretty pathetic but the third is an absolute beauty.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]As I was about 50m from the third hump I heard a dramatic revving of engine followed by an equally dramatic slidy braking noise. I looked round and saw Mr Hairdresser clear the second hump and accelerate like a banshee towards the third, he passed me mouthing (I assume) insults and gesticulating wildly.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]Straight into the third hump. [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]There was an almighty clang/grind/crunch and it all went quite.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]Everyone just stared in amazement as a pool of oil started to spread from under the car.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]I was laughing so much I had to sit on the kerb before I fell off my bike, it was so bad I could hardly breathe, and I was not alone. A fair few peds also found it highly amusing.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]Mr Mazda got out, looked under the car, stood up and looked towards me and started screaming, really full on screaming. I was in tears.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]I have never laughed so much; I thought I was going to piss myself.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]At which point a pedaling plod appeared from the opposite direction and took charge of Mr. hysterical.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]Jumped back on my bike and trundled past the pair of them (I was having trouble keeping a straight line I was still laughing so much).[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]I caught the words "warning and public order" from plod as I carried on my merry way.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]As said, there really is a God.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]Toodle pip [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
FONT=Trebuchet MS[/FONT]

AAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Office 2007 fail.

Toodle pip

save as a text file in notepad then c+p

[FONT=Trebuchet MS]There is a God. He rides a bike and I saw him in action today.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]I was toodling down the middle of a narrowish road on my way home from work tonight. [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]Standard set up: Two lines of stationary cars with a clear avenue in the middle. No bother at all.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]The queue in my direction was caused by a parked van.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]As I approached the lead car waiting to pass the van ( one of those Mazda hairdresser sporty things) The driver half climbed out of the window (soft to up as it was raining) and shouted at me "wait your f***ing turn like the rest of us". [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]I stopped to avoid hitting him and being a little taken aback said (highly original this) "pardon?” He then launched into a [/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet MS]colourful[/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet MS] diatribe on my parentage, sexual orientation, penis size etc etc (you know, lots of monosybalics ending in k and T)[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]Anyway, [/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet MS]realising[/FONT][FONT=Trebuchet MS] that he was in fact a total cnut I told him to get a life and toodled off past the parked van.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]About 200m down the road are a series of speed humps. The first two are pretty pathetic but the third is an absolute beauty.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]As I was about 50m from the third hump I heard a dramatic revving of engine followed by an equally dramatic slidy braking noise. I looked round and saw Mr Hairdresser clear the second hump and accelerate like a banshee towards the third, he passed me mouthing (I assume) insults and gesticulating wildly.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]Straight into the third hump. [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]There was an almighty clang/grind/crunch and it all went quite.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]Everyone just stared in amazement as a pool of oil started to spread from under the car.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]I was laughing so much I had to sit on the kerb before I fell off my bike, it was so bad I could hardly breathe, and I was not alone. A fair few peds also found it highly amusing.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]Mr Mazda got out, looked under the car, stood up and looked towards me and started screaming, really full on screaming. I was in tears.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]I have never laughed so much; I thought I was going to piss myself.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]At which point a pedaling plod appeared from the opposite direction and took charge of Mr. hysterical.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]Jumped back on my bike and trundled past the pair of them (I was having trouble keeping a straight line I was still laughing so much).[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]I caught the words "warning and public order" from plod as I carried on my merry way.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]As said, there really is a God.[/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS]Toodle pip [/FONT]
[FONT=Trebuchet MS] [/FONT]
FONT=Trebuchet MS[/FONT]

Thanks.

There is a God. He rides a bike and I saw him in action today.

I was toodling down the middle of a narrowish road on my way home from work tonight.
Standard set up: Two lines of stationary cars with a clear avenue in the middle. No bother at all.
The queue in my direction was caused by a parked van.
As I approached the lead car waiting to pass the van ( one of those Mazda hairdresser sporty things) The driver half climbed out of the window (soft to up as it was raining) and shouted at me "wait your f***ing turn like the rest of us".
I stopped to avoid hitting him and being a little taken aback said (highly original this) "pardon?” He then launched into a colourful diatribe on my parentage, sexual orientation, penis size etc etc (you know, lots of monosybalics ending in k and T)

Anyway, realising that he was in fact a total cnut I told him to get a life and toodled off past the parked van.
About 200m down the road are a series of speed humps. The first two are pretty pathetic but the third is an absolute beauty.
As I was about 50m from the third hump I heard a dramatic revving of engine followed by an equally dramatic slidy braking noise. I looked round and saw Mr Hairdresser clear the second hump and accelerate like a banshee towards the third, he passed me mouthing (I assume) insults and gesticulating wildly.
Straight into the third hump.
There was an almighty clang/grind/crunch and it all went quite.
Everyone just stared in amazement as a pool of oil started to spread from under the car.

I was laughing so much I had to sit on the kerb before I fell off my bike, it was so bad I could hardly breathe, and I was not alone. A fair few peds also found it highly amusing.

Mr Mazda got out, looked under the car, stood up and looked towards me and started screaming, really full on screaming. I was in tears.

I have never laughed so much; I thought I was going to piss myself.

At which point a pedaling plod appeared from the opposite direction and took charge of Mr. hysterical.

Jumped back on my bike and trundled past the pair of them (I was having trouble keeping a straight line I was still laughing so much).

I caught the words "warning and public order" from plod as I carried on my merry way.

As said, there really is a God.

Toodle pip

(I’m still giggling like a madman)

you've cleaned it up but all i can see is Trebuchet MS still. will have to visit this one later

Eventually… But it was worth it.
Thank you for making me giggle. What's a Friday night in baking cheesecake, without a good giggle, eh?

I think it's called instant Karma. Looks like the speedhumps have some use after all.

I told him to get a life

thank fuck you didn't write to him

thank fuck you didn't write to him

bingo!

I blame Bill Gates.

toodle pip

well, the fucker had it coming (bloke in car, not gates, although he's probably a hairdresser too)

shame these things don't happen more often

I blame Pip.

Peace, de Selby.

Peace, de Selby.

cunt, I've got a sore throat and it hurts to laugh

omfg pmsl

Great story, the MS fail made it even funnier... Well done for persevering... TTFN...

I have no idea where this happened, but before there was proper guidance on vertical deflection (=humps, tables, or cushions), engineers were basically instructed to build them as high as the surrounding kerbs. Most of these old humps/tables/cushions are stark raving unlawful (in the light of later guidance) but they still exist ...

great story (e-fucking-ventually) but please stop signing off your posts, it makes you look like a proper bell-end.

Funny story, sounds like an awesome scene. But you do realise that you can edit posts?

great story (e-fucking-ventually) but please stop signing off your posts, it makes you look like a proper bell-end.

Very true.

great story (e-fucking-ventually) but please stop signing off your posts, it makes you look like a proper bell-end.

No it doesn't. It's an affectation. We all have them - just look at the number of us who have avatars.

Nice story Mark. Almost as good as your one about the dog.

No I didn't. How?

Toodle pip

No it doesn't. It's an affectation. We all have them

eh? an avatar is part of an identity. An affectation on the other hand is signing off "toodle pip" or carrying a silk handkerchief and holding it to your face all the time.

are you some sort of metrosexual?