Sneaky bike locking

I was thinking about sneaky ways to fuck up someone who managed to steal my bike. For example, find a way of disabling the brakes, so in the event that they did, god forbid, steal my bike, they would sprint away (as a bike stealer would right ?!) and would try to brake at speed, to find themselves rushing headlong into a meat grinder, formaly known as an arctic truck or something bigger. Perhaps using a small paddlock or something on the brakes.

Nother is to stick a spoke in the chain near the chainwheel so that when they decide to hammer the peddals down for that ultimate getaway, they instead do a painful groin plant.

this is assuming the bike has a freewheel. I hate bike thieves. i just cant bear the thought of my bike getting nicked so i use 1 mini u lock and one abus granite x u lock and double lock my bike always. but if they did the satisfaction that they probably stacked it or groin planted would make me feel a whole lot better than just knowing they just sold it to make a quick buck.

I was thinking much the same recently - ways to disable the bike - or make it difficult or dangerous to ride by removing or inserting something.

I continue to ponder. . . . let' us know if you come up with anything good.

And let the killing begin.

well i didnt want to elaborate too much on my masochistic tendancies towards bike thieves. i heard somewhere that some french guy was testing his security system, although not intended to fuck em up so to speak it was quite snazy. Basically it was a central locking approach. One you activate the electronic system all QR's become locked, using some kind of magnet system.

ok then. what about tamper sensitive alarm that tazerz the bike as its being stolen and thus the thief also. now thats an idea.

Replace the saddle........with fire.

no thats called rocket propulsion haha

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yb-_JiYMNlA

Xsheepx has the right idea ! :)

loosen the faceplate on an ahead stem, so its only heald in by 1 or two screws at 1/4 turn that would hurt a bit.

i heard somewhere that some french guy was testing his security system, although not intended to fuck em up so to speak it was quite snazy. Basically it was a central locking approach. One you activate the electronic system all QR's become locked, using some kind of magnet system.

I suppose it needs to be something very 'manual' - something that you physically have to set and unset - I fear the idea of any electronic system that kicks in accidently while you are riding. Of course this would not be a problem if the system (if I read you correctly) simply stops people from removing the QR secured parts - but I am after some bike thief in the air action 20ft down the road.

The best ideas are often very simple, like waiting in nearby bushes with an axe.

nothing as exciting as any of the above. But a m8 of mine used to screw in the little jobbie on his brake leavers, so the brakes were fully on. No idea if that put off any 'teaves, but, well, its an idea.

lots of them just throw your bike in a van any way

and if someone got injured stealing your bike they could sue you poor.

and if someone got injured stealing your bike they could sue you poor.

There is no provision in British law that you must make your bike safe for people who wish to steal it.

If I remove my brake pads - and then that bike is stolen - do you expect a successful prosecution could be brought - on what grounds ?

Like this...

YouTube - PUNK THIEVES GET OWNED

Alas, Chris Crash is on the money with the professional bike thief's. But in my dreams a 6" spring loaded spike emerging from the seat post at the speed of a bullet might make my whitebread neighbors think twice. Then again it might not.

I was hoping the guy who nicked the bike would try and sprint off...

You want to do something to your bike that is quite quick but not going to wear out a particular bolt or part etc. Clipless pedals are quite good because a thief is just going to slip straight off.

what makes you think mouthbreathers think once let alone twice

i used to put a small padlock through the front spokes so it wouldn't go through the forks. the idea being that it would go unnoticed - i stopped doing this when i tried to ride the bike after forgetting the padlock was on.

Two quick ideas:

use a shimano (or other brand that isn't campy) front brake that has quick release lever. Set it up so it works when the lever is tight but not when it is released. Flick it off when you lock the bike and do it up before you ride off. If the thief rides off without noticing then the brake won't work and they'll need to be good at leg braking.

use mountain bike or BMX brake levers that allow you to unhook the brake cable at the lever end. Unhook when you lock up and do up up before you ride. Similar results to the idea above.

but the not so intelligent amongst us, will forget, on their own bike!

these are not deterrents...they're just ways in stitching up the thief after your bike has been stolen

.

but the not so intelligent amongst us, will forget, on their own bike!

Exactly the problem with all of these ideas! I wouldn't bother with any of them, that's for sure.

these are not deterrents...they're just ways in stitching up the thief after your bike has been stolen

Yeah I know, but the OP did say:

I was thinking about sneaky ways to fuck up someone who managed to steal my bike.

undo the driveside rear nut/bolt, as soon as someone stamps on the pedals the rear wheel will lock up.

My 'leave anywhere dork bike' has mudguards, a rack, a bell, but the best deterrent of all to thieves, along with having a www.blahblah.com paintjob, is the Made in Taiwan sticker on the headtube. I only wish it was a bit bigger.

Also I guess you could undo-until-almost-off the front axle bolts. Soon as they go over a bump and try to lift the forks a bit, they are very likely to eat some road.

Course, again, its only trying to stitch up a thief once they've done the deed, and you may forget about your sneaky trick after beer one night.