This morning's commute and other commuting stories

You wouldn't know if you were coming or going...

Oh, very good sir!

You wouldn't know if you were coming or going...

putting the Ph into phunny.

putting the Ph into phunny.

Well today's commute was in the car. Travelling West, approaching Hogarth's on the 3 lane A4. I moved into the middle lane as a roadie was shifting in the inside lane. Moments later I was under taken by a d*ck going at least 60 in a 40. Happily a look in my mirrors showed roadie to be still pedalling. D*ck had gone before I could get reg.
He must have passed with inches to spare!

this morning. 6.30am. 5 degrees C out. I see guy on a fixed giant (i think) riding in shorts and a VEST! it was ok though i think he was wearing gloves.

but a VEST at this time of year. should this post be in epic WTF thread?!

Some fool wearing blue Beats by Dre cans rode his shitty ss/fg bike into mine as I stopped along with a bunch of other people at a zebra crossing to let some people cross. After he rode into my back wheel he proceeded across the zebra crossing in front of the people walking over it on foot and continued on up Bedford Road towards Clapham North.

I hope you trap your cock in a door and it turns black and falls off.

^First offence? Is possession of offensive audio equipment criminal? It should be.

Great to be back on the bike for the coastal commute after 2 weeks of stupid crash/minced hand/can't grip bars induced idleness. Considerate drivers, no kamikaze peds, flat calm, sunny. Was it just a dream?

Left my gloves in work over the weekend, nippy fingers this morning. Brake lever felt like ice.

/csb

Endless wankery today. Is monday especially bad cos everyone's got first day back grumps?

No, you can't sail through a give way when I'm RIGHT THERE. No, you can't turn left across me without signalling or checking your mirror fuckface and yes I will startle you by banging on your shitty tin pot roof. And you mr hybrid and red altura jacket, lights apply to us too. Plus you can't trackstand for shit so don't try.

Nice one last night. Riding down a residential street that is a frequent rat run in the Acton area. Some knob doing 35-40 coming at me accelerates before I can get into an empty space on the road. He passes giving me about 1 foot of space as he goes between me and the parked cars. He continued at 35-40 for another 5 meters straight past the cop parked at the end of the road. Cue immediate blues and twos, a quick U-turn from the cop.

It's not often someone acts like a complete and utter knob in front of the cops. But it is nice when it happens to you.

Salclear makes a difference to fogging glasses. I like it.

This morning, same intersection, two separate, (TWO!!), women wearing full proper skiing/snowboarding helmets complete with the ear muff sections whilst on bicycles.
Like, ok, safety first...

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Calm yourself down, you uber-trout

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A slight tangent, but I was given a torch from a rep the other day, it was surprisingly heavy, which was strange, as it was full of light.

Location: Old Kent/New Kent Road roundabout exit onto Great Dover Street.

Me: The cyclist in the red jersey and black helmet & blue backpack navigating the exit, avoiding the use of the cycle lane that spits you out into two lanes of traffic. There is a potential for danger on this exit as traffic normally cuts across the outside/middle/inside lanes dangerously exiting the roundabout, so I stake my claim of the slow lane by indicating left and cycling in the middle.

You: The impatient c*nt in the metallic silver transit van, edging into me from the right and encroaching on my lane, pipping your horn at me despite the rest of the traffic taking the outside lane of the exit (the lane you were in) to leave the roundabout (what its there for).

Where did you expect me to move off to? are we supposed to share a lane whilst turning or did you expect me to mount the traffic island to get into the, frankly, deadly cycle lane. Thanks for telling me to shut my mouth after you asked me to repeat what I was shouting, a simple, non threatening "I'll keep my lane, thanks!". Thankfully I preceded you and also told you you don't pay road tax and to take care driving in the Borough I pay taxes for, and therefore the roads. But that must have been to high-brow of a conversation for you as your response was to very wisely drive alongside me shouting for me to shut my mouth and to swerve your large vehicle dangerously close to me and the lady cyclist in front of me.

Seriously, its not a f***ing right, driving is a privilege. Dont be a c-Nut for all your life.

Nice beanie though.

report to roadsafe

One of a trio of early-teenage ne'er-do-wells hurled an egg in my direction (missing by inches) on Churchwell Path in Hackney last night on my ride home.

I actually thought it was quite an old-school scallywag thing to do - almost endearing. If their aim had been better I may have thought otherwise though.

There is a touch of the Just William to your tale, or possibly 'Five go Twerking' or whatever it is kids do these days

One of a trio of early-teenage ne'er-do-wells hurled an egg in my direction (missing by inches) on Churchwell Path in Hackney last night on my ride home.

I actually thought it was quite an old-school scallywag thing to do - almost endearing. If their aim had been better I may have thought otherwise though.

Walking back from the offy to a mate's house in Dagenham about 10 years ago, some dickheads launched a 2 pint bottle of milk out of their Vauxhall Cavalier at me. Hit me on the back of my head. If I hadn't been in so much pain I probably would have found it funny.

There is a touch of the Just William to your tale, or possibly 'Five go Twerking' or whatever it is kids do these days

Straight outta (Richmal) Crompton

"Oh hai!" to the driver of the, now not so, shiny beemer.

On my way home, I'm approaching a T-junction and just about to look over my shoulder, before moving over ready to turn right.

Instead of slowing down as expected, the driver approaching from behind keeps his foot down, leans on the horn and swerves around me into the wrong lane.

We were that close to the junction, that if he had succeeded in getting around me, he'd couldn't have got back in lane and would have been at 45 degrees across it.

I say "if he had succeeded" because he drove smack into a scaffolder's flatbed turning into the lane he was now in.

Jumping out, he ran around to "get in my face" and launched into a predictably foul-mouthed and illogical tirade.

Turning around, he was visibly shaken to find the three occupants of the lorry very much in *his *face.

With a single gesture, the larger of the three silences the driver and, looking over the top of his head, asks "You okay Jim?"

"Yes mate." I reply.

"You get off then, we'll sort this out; see you in the yard in the morning."

That is about as much win as this thread can handle