This morning's commute and other commuting stories

I have never, nor would I ever shout at anyone for RLJ'ing.

Of course not, you'd kick them.

I have never, nor would I ever shout at anyone for RLJ'ing.

But, but, but it's your duty as an upstanding member of the cycling community!?!?!

These horses are getting out of hand.

Is it time to start calling out bad horses?

Of course not, you'd kick them.

Hehe
My usual trick is to crash into them, Cars that is. Cyclists can RLJ until the cow's (or horses) come home for all I care

First snow of the year yesterday. It was insane lumpy ice by this morning. Still fun. But I was glade of the front sus. :-)

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Bodybuilder-shaped builder saunters slowly across a pelican crossing this morning, going deliberately slowly with a grin as I come from one direction and another cyclist comes from the other. I slow right down, wait for him to pass, but nip behind him before he's fully across. He's been waiting for this and is ready with a weird backwards kick - lunging his leg out at me horizontally as he's still facing in the same direction, crossing the road. He'd clearly planned it. Yeah, I was in the wrong, but I'd given him loads of space. Enough, in fact, that he missed me by a good foot even at full reach.

Sorry for being a tad naughty but still giving you ample space, but you're a nutjob...

I used public transport today.. give me 'roid raging twat fucks and deathboxes any day.

^^ I read somewhere that cyclists don't have to wait until the person has completely cleared the crossing but just "give way". Whereas motor vehicles have to wait. So you may have been the victim of weird horizontal backwards kick man for no reason.

Of course I might have just imagined that rule.

You imagined it.

On a bicycle you are a vehicle and the rules apply to vehicles.

In theory you could dismount, walk through the pedestrian crossing and remount on the other side, however, in most instances where this would be a viable option, you could open yourself to a charge of obstruction of the highway.

Bodybuilder-shaped builder saunters slowly across a pelican crossing this morning, going deliberately slowly with a grin as I come from one direction and another cyclist comes from the other. I slow right down, wait for him to pass, but nip behind him before he's fully across. He's been waiting for this and is ready with a weird backwards kick - lunging his leg out at me horizontally as he's still facing in the same direction, crossing the road. He'd clearly planned it. Yeah, I was in the wrong, but I'd given him loads of space. Enough, in fact, that he missed me by a good foot even at full reach.

Sorry for being a tad naughty but still giving you ample space, but you're a nutjob...

What a twat!!!!

Bodybuilder-shaped builder saunters slowly across a pelican crossing this morning, going deliberately slowly with a grin as I come from one direction and another cyclist comes from the other. I slow right down, wait for him to pass, but nip behind him before he's fully across. He's been waiting for this and is ready with a weird backwards kick - lunging his leg out at me horizontally as he's still facing in the same direction, crossing the road. He'd clearly planned it. Yeah, I was in the wrong, but I'd given him loads of space. Enough, in fact, that he missed me by a good foot even at full reach.

Sorry for being a tad naughty but still giving you ample space, but you're a nutjob...

wac

Very hard work this morning in the damp and fog

I left home at 06:00 in the dark and fog and couldn't see anything, nor could I tell how well drivers could see me. Not much fun tbh.

Coming along the A6178 between J34 of the M1 and Rotherham this morning I was being tailed by a huge flatbed artic which is a little intimidating. Held the primary through a string of pinch points (ineffectual traffic calming) and then as I drifted left where the road widened I gave the driver an elbow flick for him to come past. Driver overtook nice and wide so I gave him a wave as he cleared me and got a flash of the lights in return.

Momentarily felt awesome but the cheeky fucker didn't give us a draft after I did all that work leading him out.

Disappoint!

Two separate incidents this morning.

The first, on Lower Thames, is a minibus giving me at least 3 punishment passes. I know they were punishment passes, as he takes the time to get out of his minibus and tell that I should be riding at the side of the road. I politely inquire who the fuck he thinks he is to know and tell me where I should be riding.

The second, on the Highway, was someone driving there car through a gap, where I happened to be in the middle of the gap. I call him a wanker, he says me he'll fuck me up, I say "ok". I stop, he stops, he makes some random threats, I call him a muggy cunt, he say "you should not talk", which sort of makes me quiet, as it confuses the fuck out of me, until I suggest that he's the one that should not talk (p.s. you're a muggy cunt). Now that an appropriate level of farce has been achieved, he heads back to his car, and I carry on fuming.

Meanwhile, the minibus driver has a coronary, his emphysema rots out his insides, and his estate is sold off to pay for his legal defence of his kiddy-fiddling and donkey-fucking prosecution.

I didn't get the number plates on either, beause rage.

tl;dr My hands were fucking cold this morning.

Coming along the A6178 between J34 of the M1 and Rotherham this morning I was being tailed by a huge flatbed artic which is a little intimidating. Held the primary through a string of pinch points (ineffectual traffic calming) and then as I drifted left where the road widened I gave the driver an elbow flick for him to come past. Driver overtook nice and wide so I gave him a wave as he cleared me and got a flash of the lights in return.

Momentarily felt awesome but the cheeky fucker didn't give us a draft after I did all that work leading him out.

Disappoint!

If it's a race, it's a race, Andrew. No deals. :)

Coming along the A6178 between J34 of the M1 and Rotherham this morning I was being tailed by a huge flatbed artic which is a little intimidating. Held the primary through a string of pinch points (ineffectual traffic calming) and then as I drifted left where the road widened I gave the driver an elbow flick for him to come past. Driver overtook nice and wide so I gave him a wave as he cleared me and got a flash of the lights in return.

Momentarily felt awesome but the cheeky fucker didn't give us a draft after I did all that work leading him out.

Disappoint!

This is how it should be. Ace.

^^ I read somewhere that cyclists don't have to wait until the person has completely cleared the crossing but just "give way".
You're possibly thinking of zebra crossings, where there are no lights, and vehicles (including bicycles) must give way (or more explicitly, "accord precendence") to pedestrians that are already on the crossing.

On a bicycle you are a vehicle and the rules apply to vehicles.

In theory you could dismount, walk through the pedestrian crossing and remount on the other side, however, in most instances where this would be a viable option, you could open yourself to a charge of obstruction of the highway.
It does depend, of course, on what the lights are doing. Flashing amber, for example, means give way at the line, while red means do not cross the line.

I doubt that anyone has ever been pipped for obstruction of a highway for walking through a set of lights - given that there is no obstruction going on.

This could easily go in the Oh Shit/Dangerous Drivers thread(s) too, but here is fine.

I have a ~9 mile commute from my suburban town into Sunderland, via some 60mph A roads. It's usually fine (aside from the odd bit of impatience), even on the 60mph roads, but today took the piss.

There's pinch point traffic calming round the corner from my house. Today some cunt decided that he'd ignore the signpost instructing him to give way (shortly after doing just that to a car), and just drive through as I entered, about 2 seconds after making eye contact with me. Not hugely dangerous as the speeds were low all round (I'm unfit, it's uphill). I yelled at his window as we passed, he stared straight ahead.

Then about a mile from work, a flatbed HGV pulled out as I passed him on the roundabout. Saw him slowing as I joined the empty roundabout, so continued. My right of way, and I thought he was stopping. He wasn't. Heard the acceleration as I passed in front at which point I began to shit myself, pedal like crazy to get past him, and shout "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST" or some such.

I kinda think it obviously wasn't that close if I had time to do all of the above, but it certainly felt it. Closest shave I've ever had, for sure. A couple of people came out of the post office on the roundabout to check on me and congratulated me on staying upright, as they actually thought he'd clipped me.

He slowed to an almost-stop in the middle of the roundabout, but then decided to fuck off. In the panic/adrenaline haze of trying not to cry/poo/throw up, I forgot the name of the builders merchant/construction company that was plastered over the side of the truck.

Ballbags.

Do I have to cover myself in Hi Viz and reflective tape now?

Doubt it'll make much difference if the HGV driver choose not to look properly.

Guns, we need bigger guns.

Yeah I've spent the last hour and a half that I should have spent working coming to the realisation that I have to ride as though everyone wants to kill me, but that I should probably still deck myself out in ridiculous clothing so as to give them as few opportunities as possible.

What have I told you about calling your arms, "guns".