• Gosh! Upardonable solipsism! (Blushes furiously.) So it's fine to be cheap and crass so long as it's done discreetly. Apologies for having trodden on sensitive toes. Meanwhile I'm the only one to have offered to put any money on the table, while this unbelievable bargain goes unclaimed. Jump in chaps; if I miss out I'll only have myself to blame, and all for a measly twenty-five quid.

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