eBay and Craigslist finds

^
"Design for cultivate one's morality of waist, performance body in good condition"
"During the famous and professional's Tour de France in the game, players are using the sponge of breathable antibacterial trouser pad"
And my favourite: "small cloth cap for cycling, the pirates headband"

If their product is anything like their command of the English language then you're in trouble.

I wish my shorts had fixed antiskid...