• The best ones are where you get an audible 'tut' from behind, or even a request to let them past. Which is stubbornly refused, obviously.

    I was standing on the pavement on High Holborn waiting to meet a shady bike light dealer outside the tube station. I was aware of two or three cyclists who were sensibly hanging back rather than squeezing up the side of the cars waiting at the red light, and of the ASL box being occupied by a car whose driver was fiddling with his phone.

    This latter point may have distracted me for a moment, because I was then rather startled to find a middle-aged female cyclist on the pavement, squeezing past the other cyclist in the ASL feeder lane, muttering with increasing volume: "ExcusemepleaseexcusemepleaseexcusemepleaseEXCUSEMEPLEASEEXCUSEMEPLEASE".

    I shifted slightly away from the kerb and she shuffled past and sailed out across the junction. Must have been secret police or something, she didn't use her blues and twos.

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