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@jimkiwi
Right, enough FOFFA hilarity. Time to get a bit more professional (that is, tell a work related vomit and shit story).
I used to have to go inside a sewage pumping station in North London to do repairs. Everyone and I mean everyone that worked there got sick. There are dozens of suitable stories for this thread relating this place.
One morning after working there the day before my tummy was bubbling a bit. It was building up pressure. I found part of a packet of pink pepto bismol tablets in the cupboard, and hoping they might provide some relief, chewed my way through them.
No good, the pressure was building dangerously. I had to rush to the toilet where I released a never ending, vile smelling stream of liquid shit. Ah the relief.
The resulting calm was short lived, the pressure quickly built up to even higher levels. I had to step up and venture out to the chemist to get Imodium. The only problem was that I didn't have enough change. I would have to go to the cash point next to the chemist.
Being pro-active (and not knowing if I would be alive to do it later) I had taken the dog with me. Well, the queue at the cash point was long. I waited, I waited, we inched forward, my cheeks were clenched tight, the pressure was building, building.
It dawned on me. There was absolutely no way that I would get to the front of that queue to draw money out, let alone into the chemist for the Imodium as well. I desperately needed to be sick. Mustering up the last of my dignity, I marched smartly across the road to a low wall surrounding some flats.
What happened next is permanently scarred onto my mind. I leaned over the wall and threw up a bright pink stream of vomit and shat myself all at the same time.
What a mess.