For Sale: Foffa Single Speed Custom-built bicycle

Quick straw poll.

Imagine that you are in a really manky nightclub (What used to be Sugar in Leamington Spa) and get the squits. You run to the literally piss flooded toilets and let your intestinal floodgates open. You then notice that there is no toilet paper in the dispenser. Let me reiterate the fact that the male toilets in Sugar were always flooded with piss due to blocked urinals.

Do you

a) Not wipe at all
b) Pick up a clump of urine soaked used paper off the floor and use that
c) Remove a sock and use that

My friend went with option b and to this day insists that it is the only way to go.

Surely c is the only practical option?

Wash arse in sink, dry on passed out drunk chav in next sink.