For Sale: Foffa Single Speed Custom-built bicycle

Quick straw poll.

Imagine that you are in a really manky nightclub (What used to be Sugar in Leamington Spa) and get the squits. You run to the literally piss flooded toilets and let your intestinal floodgates open. You then notice that there is no toilet paper in the dispenser. Let me reiterate the fact that the male toilets in Sugar were always flooded with piss due to blocked urinals.

Do you

a) Not wipe at all
b) Pick up a clump of urine soaked used paper off the floor and use that
c) Remove a sock and use that

My friend went with option b and to this day insists that it is the only way to go.

Surely c is the only practical option?

Been there.

The best choice is to use your undies, because the chances are they are already a bit spattered.

One sock is good but you feel weird afterwards, the bare foot rubbing in your shoe a constant reminder that you are a Dirty Boy.

My mate Denny once got the shits in Turkey and wiped his arse on money because each note was worth about five pence.