Bike thief.

Can't believe it, some idiot tried to mug me for my bike on the way home tonight... on Pages Walk/Willow Walk Bermondsey he blocked me in the road, told me to give him the bike, I kept calm, hoped he didn't have a knife and then let rip with a torrent of abuse, during which he realised he was not getting said bike, my parting words being 'Get A F*~KING JOB'. Then cycled home chatting to another cyclist as if it happened every other day. If cycling in the area and you see some scruffy teenager in the road turn around.

be going round in circles for ever...............................

Ta for the notice, a lot of cyclists pass this way, including me. I'll be on the lookout.

FWIW, my instinctual reponse to what I perceived as a jacking attempt, when in another spot (Virginia Rd E2) where this has been known, was to fix my gaze on one of them, get out if the saddle and put the hammer down veering at them directly - as if to say this is gonna hurt you a lot more than this is gonna hurt me, and they jumped out of the way. A risky strategy but sometimes in town you've got to have your wits about you and go in hard.

Peace out there!
Benny

Happened to me once, about 15 years ago cycling through Hackney to Walthamstow. Was late-ish, been for a few sherbets so was not really thinking straight. I stopped at some lights and a guy walked up to me and asked the way to a 'chippy'. I stupidly answered then he held on to the frame and another guy appeared in front of the bike - they told me to get off.

I argued for a few secs whilst I unstrapped my helmet and asked if he wanted the helemt too. He said 'nah, just ya bike'. By this time I raised the helmet via the strap above my head and said in a more threatening voice 'well, if you take the bike you're gonna get the fukcin helmet as well'. I think it then clicked what I meant and he let go and backed off. Chap in front moved off and I peddled sharpish back home .... I must admit, I RLJ's every one 'til I got home :)

I wish my guy had been so polite. Riding home from my mates house, I get a puncture by London Bridge about 1:30am. Well I'm not too far from home I think (OKR) so I decide to walk.

All's fine until I'm basically home, by the fire station on the old kent road some chap came running up behind me, shoved me to the ground and tried to run off with the bike. Despite being on the ground I have still not let go of the frame, so he gives two good yanks, realises I'm not going to let go and runs off.

I think it was a spur of the moment thing as he thought I'd be an easy target. I'd sooner have let go of my bag.

Subbed. Can't wait to read more failed bike theft attempts.

Used to live round the corner from where this happened. about once a week some kid would try his luck in attempting a mugging.

generally laugh at them and say fuck off you little cunt.

one once tried to knock my flatmate off his bike, he failed and my flatmate stopped and charged after him

Some mental twat on a bike chased after me and my sister a few years ago demanding that we hand over our bikes. We bricked it and rode off with him in pursuit until we spotted a group of burly blokes outside a pub, made a beeline for them and just pretended we knew them. Mental twat catches up, spots us standing with these guys and disappears.
It wasn't as close a call as some of the other stories so far but I was absolutely terrified!

A couple of kids once walked right up to me and said "gizza go on yer biek mista!"

I haven't been able to leave the house since :-(

#livinginfear

Premium Rush not teach you guyz nothing? make 'em hold your burrito then ride backwards into the sunset.

I have a pair of manacles that I use to chain myself to my bike when I go out the house now. Inconvenient for any medics if I get knocked off but ensures a secure ride even if I now run the risk of someone grinding through my thigh to take my bike.

I have a pair of manacles that I use to chain myself to my bike when I go out the house now.

Are they Ti?

You can't be lugging around a heavy set of steel manacles on your sweet fixeh!

No, they are cast steel for maximum theft deterrence. Rhad feexe or no you can never be too careful. I also have a small blue police light that I can stick to the top of my helmet to make scoundrels think I'm the plod, which I think is quite effective but is probably not legal. like the bear mace and the telescopic baton I carry in my wicker basket I suppose, but better safe than sorry.

You just need to be careful that you don't mace anyone who really is lost and asking for directions-once he regained consciousness i had a hell of a time persuading a vicar not to call the police on me and that I wasn't trying to rob him. C'est la vie really.

the telescopic baton I carry in my wicker basket

Carefully concealed within a baguette?

Hiplok. It's worthless as a lock, but it bloody hurts...

I often carry a hipflask...

Will that do?

If you have a lighter you can do that really cool thing that I saw in a film once where the guy spits alcohol at some baddies and lights it in mid air so it burns their faces.

^ Makeshift napalm ftw..

the only solution

http://i.ebayimg.com/t/ARNOLD-SCHWARZENEGGER-TERMINATOR-2-JUDGMENT-DAY-24X36-POSTER-MOTORBIKE-SHOTGUN-/00/s/MzgwWDMwNA==/$(KGrHqN,!l0E+GNP)1RCBPyVgv,iFQ~~60_35.JPG

If you have a lighter you can do that really cool thing that I saw in a film once where the guy spits alcohol at some baddies and lights it in mid air so it burns their faces.

I think I remember that one, was that the one with the little kid that turned out to be a robot and it had Jude Law in it portraying a robotic prostitute? Sherlock Holmes, I think that was?

^Thats the one, probably my favourite of all Jude laws robotic prostitute films

Best attempted mug that I've been in was Swindon, about 7 years ago. I worked for Deloitte at the time, so was a suited an booted 'professional'. Me and a colleague had been at the client 'til late, so was walking back to the hotel looking for somewhere to grab a quick bite. Was about 10 o'clock and nothing was open .... Swindon is a shit-hole and shuts at 5 o'clock!

Anyway, this little geezer twat walks up to us, inhales from a balloon (with helium) and squeaks "nice suit mate" (to my colleague). My mate says "what?". And pickey takes another slug of helium and squeaks "nice suit .. give me your wallet". "erm, no, fuck off" was the answer.

"oh" he goes, and starts to walk off. We walk up to him and say, why the balloon. He says, it's so if we did give him the wallet then we wouldn't be able to describe his voice to the police! We pointed out that we know what he looks like, so his voice is irrelevant. He looked confused, and just scarpered.

We walked back to the hotel and couldn't quite work out if we really had been attempted mugged. Very weird.

Premium Rush not teach you guyz nothing? make 'em hold your burrito then ride backwards into the sunset.

Rather keep my burrito.

If anyone dares to try and steal my foffa i'm going to simultaneously shit and puke like some kind of poisonous amazonian frog. But weegie of course.

One time in Walthamstow I saw a shady guy staring me down at the edge of the pavement as I was cycling, he tried to step in my path as I was approaching so immediately I sped up and he didn't move. Then he tried to grab me as I was passing so I stiff armed him and he fell over.