"Oh Shit" moments...

moving down beside a traffic jam on the CS7 when a white van suddenly lurches left into my path without indicating or anything. luckily since it was in a queue i managed to dodge it before i slammed into the side of the bonnet, but for fuck's sake. as of recently there seems to have been a thing with fucking morons in vans turning without indicating.

in this situation i feel like i need a balloon full of black paint i can chuck behind me as i escape.

Could work

To the man I encountered on the road yesterday morning in Banana Hill village, Nairobi:

Your donkeys are stupid, and leaving the driving decisions to them is ill-advised. Yes, you looked a boss as you surfed your metal cart while your two tethered donkeys galloped gaily down towards the junction with the main road. Your mad skillz aside, I was not confident that your donkeys, being mammals of lesser cognitive function, would be able to recognise that they should not just plough straight across me as your slip road merged into my main road. You were certainly not communicating with them to stop, standing silently as you were with hands on hips, admiring your speedy progress.

Having made my donkey-neuro-assessments, I swung way clear into the right (oncoming) lane to give you space and true enough, your donkeys spilled onto the road with all the elegance of two uncoordinated 200kg beasts tied crudely to a cart. Their knowledge and consideration of the Highway Code, if Kenya even has one, left much to be desired.

Sort it out. You will crush somebody by proxy-hoof if you do not slow your donkeys before junctions. May they shit on you in your sleep.

mammals of lesser cognitive function - fabulous phrase

Could work

if only rapha would make a jersey that had this function built in

Last night around 7:45pm on commercial street heading North, a bunch of morons on Boris bikes (probably for the banter and cause the Facebook photos will be hilar), some cunt rides across the road without looking for traffic, cue his girlfriend riding out in front of me about 20 yards ahead. I managed to shout "watch your back" in time for her to stop, me to swerve and luckily not hit any of them. Had no choice but to swerve right, nearly in to the other lane as all their idiot friends decided to follow them out single file. Managed to shout that she was a fucking moron before I got out of earshot.

Went for a midnight ride with a friend yesterday, and going down a hill my chain comes off. Nothing happened really, I just stopped, got my chain, and got my mate to drag me to his place where I abandoned my steed, and took his spare bike and rode that home. Came back this afternoon to put a different chainring on so the chain would be shorter, only to find the cranks I thought where 135BCD where actually 144BCDs.

I guess "oh... poo." moments rather than "OH SHIT".

Also, I should elaborate, I have one of those fantastic things called a brake.

I was at an alleycat yesterday in The Hague (Holland). Over 150 people showed up for the race.

I was riding with a small group when the one up front went through a red light while a car was accelerating. He hit the rear wheel and the plastic wheel cover (fake rim, don't know the name) was broken. Dude driving the car was so pissed. I was about 1 meter behind him.

Guy right in front of me was going pretty fast when he hit a curb with his front wheel. He went over his handlebars, face first into the street.

Was driving with a small group when we crossed a street with a small piece of curb in the middle between the lanes. Cars were approaching and we did a synchronized sideway skid. We both just made it before the first car drove by.

2 got arrested
4 got 530 euro's worth of tickets
1 got 580 euro's worth of tickets
6 had to run from the cops and made it (the other 5 didn't obviously)
2 had to go to the hospital (that I know of)

That was fun.

I was at an alleycat last friday in Rotterdam. No one got a fine, no one got arrested and everyone got home in one piece.

Ride like dicks, bad things happen. Seems fair to me.

Sorry to hear that stuff happened but when you ride like that eventually you'll push it too far, hopefully you're not injured or anything and your bike's fine.

Seemed legit.

If Indrda's doling out the calm downs you know you're riding like a loon!

lollos

that one time was my fault. I usually stop before a red light (even in alleycats) but I didn't see that light. I try not to annoy other people on the road. It doesn't make me any faster and I won't win even if I try

I really hate that town. I've never gotten a ticket there but I've passed so many red lights in my car there, it's really annoying. They like to place trees before the lights.

Was, well, hammering it down holloway road earlier in the bus lane. Completely clear. Until a car pulled out without looking, almost in front of me. I had to grab my brakes and swerve on the inside of her as she pulled across the bus lane to get into the normal lane.

I've never felt compelled to chase someone, but chase her I did. I pulled alongside of her at full pelt and shouted at her. She was completely oblivious. Perhaps it wasn't the most sensible thing to do and in hindsight I wish I hadn't, but I was muchos fucked off!

Managed to pull the beginnings of a tailwhip this morning as a car in front braked suddenly. Not sure the van behind me was all that impressed.

Was, well, hammering it down holloway road earlier in the bus lane. Completely clear. Until a car pulled out without almost in front of me. I had to grab my brakes and swerve on the inside of her as she pulled across the bus lane to get into the normal lane.

I've never felt compelled to chase someone, but chase her I did. I pulled alongside of her at full pelt and shouted at her. She was completely oblivious. Perhaps it wasn't the most sensible thing to do and in hindsight I wish I hadn't, but I was muchos fucked off!

Glad you're alright man, really cannot imagine you chasing someone!

I've never felt compelled to chase someone, but chase her I did. I pulled alongside of her at full pelt and shouted at her. She was completely oblivious. Perhaps it wasn't the most sensible thing to do and in hindsight I wish I hadn't, but I was muchos fucked off!

I've always wondered what is the best approach in this situation. How do you actually get through to someone without triggering the standard "fuck off you twat cyclist dont know what youre doing" response.

Yeah exactly. Always tough,

To make matters worse I was wearing a fucking bright pink jersey, briiiiight pink!

Rapha cunt?

I saw Indra was posting on here and was concerned he had been involved in another Indra moment whilst already being Indra'd.

Am relieved he is ok.

JB, I have had a few of those moments were one chases down a motorist and they just look blank and it becomes apparent they are really negligent and totally unaware. Often all I hope for is a simple apology and remorse, so that cretinous vacuous look indicating they had never even noticed the near disaster is even more infuriating.

Rapha cunt?

Na bro, canny afford Rapha jersey. Some vintage thing that I cannot remember the make of.

Shame ;) interesting situation though, dunno what I would've done

And DJ, what makes it worse is even with me shouting and waving at her, she didn't notice me. Completely unaware. Ridiculous.

I think it also depends on the driver, to be honest if it was a car full of blokes, I would have just carried on cycling as I was.

^Sexist

Reported.

^reported for sexism.