Fucking Nodders!

are you implying women are worse cyclists?

Reporting just the facts, man.
I am a woman. She was worse than me. Facts.

Besuited chap on a bozzer bike just very nearly wiped out a lady using a ped crossing to navigate the smurf highway on cable street. He was giving it fair lick too. It would have really really hurt. I swear people think those fucking lanes are like force fields which negate the need for observation or common sense.

.

Hey guys. You know I was thinking, the good thing about fucking nodders is that they always carry protection.

Hey! I'm just messing with you peeps. Have a great day out there, and take care on the roads.

hype park corner is nodder capital

This. The nodder pack here is of the Suicidal strand; "Four lanes of cars coming at me? Fuck it, I can push myself across this red light in time...."

Haven't seen any yet. The Noddergeddon is approaching though.. you've been warned..

It's here. They're here. We're all doomed.

It can be. Got any tips?

I take the Hump rucksack cover off them first. All that fluoro really turns me off.

I thought this thread was a guide on how to fuck nodders.

I take the Hump rucksack cover off them first.

Riding around with the word 'Hump' on their backs.....

Well, they're just asking for it aren't they.

I never realised that it was an instruction.

It's going to take ages to get to work tomorrow.

There's a fine selection of nodders who've started riding to my office. They're clogging up the shower rooms with their sweaty plastic hi-viz jackets and they park like absolute fucking simpletons.

All the previously empty bikeracks in the basement are now full of the most anti machines you've ever seen. Worst of all it looks like they've just jumped off and ghostied the bikes into the racks, they take up so much fucking space and they all get in hours earlier than me so I've got to ram my poor bike in between someone who's got their bar ends on the wrong sides of the bars (wtf?) and some other fucker with a red light on the front and white on the back. Seriously wtf?

/csb

^^^^ I can relate to that.

Commuted into work by bike all of winter (which enabled me to eat cake at lunch, and brunch and whenever, fukket I like cake alright...) and never had an issue at work (A frigging bike shop), however as soon as we start getting some decent weather every other one of them was bringing a bike in and propping them up around the shop to show off whatever latest thing they had built up (who wouldn't...).
But then owner had a crack down on us bringing our own bikes to work and asked us to lock them up outside... on a shit street... to a dog hook on the wall... seriously... no.

Yeah amen to that. I had the displeasure of retrieving my bike 6 deep from what I can only describe as piles of fucking shit.
No rear break? Don't worry about it, the front will do.
A chain that last saw oil in 1996? I'm sure it will be OK
A headset that rattles so much you wonder how the forks are staying in place? All part of the fun of cycling.
Some of these bikes are death traps
:(

Nah, the maximum nodder velocity isn't enough to cause anyone harm.

It's like falling over, walking*.

*Shhh Oliver

80% of the bikes in the racks where I work have bright orange chains, and now the fairweather nodders are all turning up my bike is suddenly covered in scratches. Fuckers.

My employer put these racks in because the shed was overflowing. I get in early so always park on the end and on the top row.

Jesus!

Had a very uuuuh well "aerodynamicly challenged" dude on a brand new mtb wobble his way across two of our paths when setting off from the lights, absolutely oblivious to the carnage he very nearly caused in his wobbly wake. And another dude saying" wow you do that well" (trackstand) followed by my reply of "because I ride the other 10 months of the year. HA

A nodder this morning wearing one of those "POLITE Bike" hi-viz vests and the guy had the audacity to have wraped blue and white tape around his helmet to make him look more Police like. If I had a stick on me I'd have poked it through his front wheel

^ it's what Zefal frame pumps were invented for.

Ha passed him in hyde park this morning as he was sheepishly approaching the real plod from behind

A nodder this morning wearing one of those "POLITE Bike" hi-viz vests and the guy had the audacity to have wraped blue and white tape around his helmet to make him look more Police like. If I had a stick on me I'd have poked it through his front wheel

Wac

Brixton hill was absolutley jammed this morning.. crazy busy with cars all trying to find an inch of room like it'll get em where they're going quicker. I'm trying to make my way through this clusterfuck riding carefully for obvious reasons... I tried hard to ignore the swarm of nodders trying as hard as they could to pass me then practically stop as they realise they can't get through that gap or stop and block me off going down the middle of the road... Pricks

Just wow. This morning, watched 5 or so hi vis guys nearly get flattened by a chemical tanker on Vauxhall Bridge after they cut it up in their bid to get to the bike lane (joining from the bus station after coming from Oval way).
And this evening almost got trapped in a bunch of slow-movers all the way from Albert Gate to Victoria but then they'd inevitable trundle past at EVERY set of lights to sit in front of me, forcing me to overtake again, lest I take 2 hours to get home.
I was tired this evening and called at least 3 people dickheads, and shouted 'why? why the fuck would you push past me?' at a bloke as I passed him on Vauxhall Bridge after he'd pushed to the front at the ASL.

Cunts everywhere, it's not good for my blood pressure.

I've just been lurking for a few months, but these last couple of weeks have been painful - I never thought I would pine for winter, but watching the horde of nod zooming across holborn junction has been painful, and the 'one goes, everyone follows' is heart in mouth stuff.

still, I commute on a road bike, so i might just be a self-hating nodder...