Wonderfully stupid bicycling questions

are freewheels free?

do spookie dookies make you go faster?

Friend of a friend once said, as we were talking about the iMax, "yeah, I've always wondered how they got such a large piece of glass in there".

Can I get a sofa for.my saddle, will cycle then.
No you cant you fat Fuck.

I'm big boned

can you really put a dish in your wheel and it will still work?

Can I get a sofa for.my saddle, will cycle then.
No you cant you fat Fuck.

Fattist.

This seems like a reasonable question to me. She can surely get you to do it for her, no?

The fact that I do clean her bike for her is evidence that I have not yet come up with a satisfactory answer.

Where does the london Brighton bike ride go to?

is bike the same as motorbike but without the motor yes?

Quite a few times at work if someone finds out I ride in they ask: "What happens when it rains?"

I work in a busy central london bike shop. How many pages should I contribute?

Seriously, we can't all be experts in everything. You all might sound just as wonderfully stupid by asking about the next thing, so this is kind of a dicky thread...

so a headset is something you wear on your head and communicate while riding i take it?

Me: Does my bike look cool?
Girlfriend: I don't care

Me: Lift my bike up. It's really light isn't it?
Girlfriend: I don't care

I had this conversation today... with my mum.

Happy Mothers Day Y'all

I interviewed a candidate this week, once the work questions were done I asked what she did in non work hours........ 'I ride at Herne Hill as often as possible, also volunteer to clean and tidy up as much as time allows me. In fact, I'm going for a bike fitting at Oak cycles once I'm done here, and even more randomly I've got my new NJS bars and seat post with me for the fitting, would you like to see?'

Totally awesome response.....

Can i replace the 16inch wheels on my childs bike with 29'inch and win a monster truck

competition like bigfoot did in the 80's?

Parents:
"Son, you are a multi-disciplinary cyclist who has worked in a bike shop. We value your experience and opinion. We are looking for two new bikes for cycling around the lanes and going down the odd gravel path. We have about £1200 to spend in total. What would you recommend?"

To parents:
"Firstly I would recommend that you go to a bike shop and have a test-ride. You are both tall; spending an extra fifty quid in a bike shop is preferable to buying a cheaper ill-fitting bike online. I would recommend hybrids with 700c wheels and 35-38c tyres as they are reasonably quick on the road and on dirt paths. nternal hub gears as they are easier to maintain. Mudguards are essential. Do not buy bikes with suspension as it only adds unnecessary weight and complexity."

Go to visit them six months later:
"Son, we got these two mountain bikes online for a great discounted price." Both bikes are caked in road grime. Mother: "riding my bike feels like pedalling through treacle, and my suspension is creaking". Father: "it does not shift gear easily any more". Both: "my bike is too small for me".

Parents:
"Sn, you are a multi-disciplinary cyclist who has worked in a bike shop. We value your experience and opinion. We are looking for two new bikes for cycling around the lanes and going down the odd gravel path. We have about £1200 to spend in total. What would you recommend? u kno abowt biek"

To parents:
"Yap! Firstly I would recommend that you go to a bike shop and have a test-ride. You are both tall; spending an extra fifty quid in a bike shop is preferable to buying a cheaper ill-fitting bike online. I would recommend hybrids with 700c wheels and 35-38c tyres as they are reasonably quick on the road and on dirt paths. nternal hub gears as they are easier to maintain. Mudguards are essential. Do not buy bikes with suspension as it only adds unnecessary weight and complexity."

Go to visit them six months later:
"Sn, we got these two mountain bikes online for a great discounted price." Both bikes are caked in road grime. Mother: "riding my bike feels like pedalling through treacle, and my suspension is creaking". Father: "it does not shift gear easily any more". Both: " my bike is too small for me mi biek iz shit".
fixed

how much does it weigh?

Why are you riding a steel bike? They are heavy and uncomfortable.

Should I lean?

no, never lean

A question that annoys me most of the time, as it's mostly meant as a way of putting distance between the questioner and the person being addressed: 'Oh, are you a keen cyclist?'

pp37-40:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1291127828

I get the "Good luck on the way home tonight" from work colleagues as I leave in the evening. Why should I need luck to cycle home ?!?

I get the "Good luck on the way home tonight" from work colleagues as I leave in the evening. Why should I need luck to cycle home ?!?

If we have a few beers in the office before hometime I have to spend about 30 minutes explaining to drunken colleagues that:

1. No, I don't have a helmet
   
2. No, I'm not going to walk all the way home because I haven't got a helmet
   
3. No, just because you're too pissed to balance properly / speak / stand doesn't mean I am