Spotted...

Hugo, Binky, Bunty and Charles walking their labradors, spaniels and setters every morning in Dulwich Park. Walkies-happy inbred posh dogs don't look where they're going either. It's a like dim witted labrador slalom in there. Add in an inch of slush and fat flakes of snow flapping in your eyes and this morning's diversion though the park was a bit of an ordeal.

A woman (I call her Eustace Bigot, in MY MIND) who walks her dog in Dulwich Park called out to me the other day, as I passed her small and erratically wandering dog at roughly 4mph/~3 metres away, "oh do be careful!"

She then complained to a be-fluro'd park warden character about me.

He stopped me, and said "I've just watched you go round the park, and you slow right down and pass people as far away as possible, but [Eustace Bigot] has complained that you are shooting past people really fast too close."

This was a bit confusing, and we discussed that he was asking me to do what I was already doing.

We then got onto something he could ask me to do- go at 4mph maximum at all times.

He then mentioned that he had the power to impose a £60 fine upon people "causing distress".

I then insisted that he fine Eustace Bigot twice, once for causing me distress via getting him to mither me, and once for distressing herself by being stupid.

This caused him to stop dead for a while, then waved me on.