• I am now in Paris, but alas the ride was not a resounding success. I left on Saturday morning on my way to Dover having decided to view the undertaking as a phase inverted operation sealion, forgetting that the most memorable part of this was its abject failure.
    I arrived in Dover at 5.55, which was just in time to board my ferry. Howver, as I may have guessed from the foul winds blowing in Dover, there as trouble at sea. I was informed that my boat would be delayed by approximately two hours, although this soon turned into three. This was a serious issue, not least as I had an increasingly irrate French riding buddy awaiting my arrival in Calais. Once the ferry got moving, the ride was horrendously squally, not a problem for me as I have fantastic sea legs, but the corridors were awash with the chunder of obnoxious British half term teenagers in onesies. I finally met my pal in Calais and we left Calais just after midday, although we had to stop on the way to buy a hack saw for my seatmast which was way too long.
    Then it began to snow. In my mind France is warmer than Britain, so my choice of clothing was woefully inadequate and I became cold and grumpy. We continued on regardless, and stopped at about 2pm for steak frite which was tres bon. We then left, and it started to rain, with added hail. At this stage it stopped being fun at all. The rain didn't last for long (less than an hour) but we were now wet, and as it was just above zero, we weren't going to dry. This made what should have been the respite parts of the ride (downhill) awful, as it was turning our feet to ice. We slogged on until we reached Amiens, by which stage I had decided that I would be quitting cycling for good, and selling all of my bikes. We found a shite hotel, found a Thai restaurant, drank some beer and went to bed. In the morning, due to childcare considerations, we caught the train to my friends flat in Paris. To summize, I failed to finish the bike before I left, did not nearly enough training (none) which made it very unlikely I would make it to paris, didn't plan the journey or think that the ferry would be delayed, didn't bring the correct equipment, didn't bother to check the weather on the internet, and generally made a shite job of it. I was bitterly disappointed on Saturday evening, but considering how badly I planned the whole thing, and how little respect I gave the task in hand, I think it went as well as could be expected. I have decided to view this jolly as a reccy for round two in the spring, which if anyone is interested in joining in the terror they would be more than welcome. I have some photos which I will upload on my return to Britain.

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