Football

Your daughter even calls it "dirty Leeds", which I think is priceless.

It's not that dirty any more. Just slightly grubby now.

She goes to university there. She knows what it is like. Back to back slums and a city when General Lucifer appears erudite.

You cheeky sod. Next time you're up here I'll take you to the lovely part of town.

We call it 'Harrogate'.

I went to Leeds for a yentz once.

And we're still trying to eradicate that vicious strain of Herpes to this day.

A Jewish northerner. Is that possible?

Lots of Jews in Leeds. It's because we we're hugely into the cloth trade, tailors, etc.

There's even a posh suburb called Alwoodley full of huge houses which is still predominantly Jewish - it's known locally by the quaintly racist nickname of Alyiddly

Leeds was a rich picking ground when I was a student. Clearly the women of Leeds are desperate.

How dare you say Leeds women are desperate!!!

They're not.

They just really, really like cock.