Lance Armstrong... greatest doper there was or ever will be

I'm all about retrospective awards to 12th place finishers. serious. Fair's fair, any cunt that got popped for doping in the interim can just suck it as the prize money gets grabbed back and given to the poor fucker who got robbed of the victories and is probably now working as a taxi driver or cafe owner in Nantes.

Right, 1999...

Van de Wouwer. Stand up, come and collect your medal. You came 11th and you've got a funny name. And you're Belgian. Great. Here you are.... How does it feel to be winner of the 1999 Tour de France? We've got the same podium girls here... Oh. Well Stephanie lost a leg 3 years ago and Sylvie's had 3 kids and 9 boob jobs. still... And the champagne... 1999 vintage. Oh it's corked, never mind. Here's the cheque... what do you mean is that all? Have you never heard of inflation? It's not my fault the banks took the piss. Well it will buy you a new fiat punto, don't be so ungrateful. The Advertising contracts? Yes, of course-there's a new brand of incontinence pads for men that are hunting around for a new brand ambassador? No, well how about Admiral life insurance? Go Compare? No. Well if you're going to be like that there's not much i can do. No, Trek are aparently leaving cycling. So are Nike. Nissan? No. Look, just take the cash and piss off...

This should have a wider audience - brilliant!