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@bothwell
My landlord once had a massive, mad argument with a Canadian chap on the internet, years ago. It developed into a burning, festering hatred between the two of them and they would routinely bicker and insult each other on the message board they were both members of.
One night they had a particularly stinking argument and Alex, the landlord, told his foe that he was going to Canada on business in three weeks time, and would he like to meet up to resolve the matter in person with a fist fight? Not wanting to lose face, his enemy readily agreed, feeling sure that being in his late twenties would give him an immediate advantage over Alex who was ten years older and a soft-fingered member of the Groucho club who had never done an honest day's work in his life. The entire forum was breathless with anticipation over the next two weeks and the pair continued to traduce and troll each other relentlessly on a daily basis.
Eventually Alex's trip to Canada came to pass. The next we heard from him on the forum, he was in a foul mood, having traipsed all the way to the nominated bar for the fight and found nobody there apart from a handful of rosy-nosed drunks and a mangy dog with one ear. There was no sign of his opponent. He had 3 cuba libres and then headed back to his hotel to post a stream of invective about his hated, cowardly rival. He'd been on the forum for about 15 minutes when somebody linked to him to a thread entitled, "I'm at the bar. No sign of Alex" from two days previously. It was all very unfortunate that he'd got the wrong day. He tried to rearrange, but his enemy was busy for the whole of the rest of the week and the fight never did happen, with Alex returning to the UK and the two carrying on in much the same way until the dissolution of the forum 9 years later.
The Canadian, last I heard, probably about 2 years ago now, had just bought a bike for hacking around Ontario on in the middle of winter. Too poor for a car, he said. I have no idea if he rides on the pavement or not.
Anyway, what I mean to say is, the only way to resolve this is to arrange a proper fight where we can all turn up and place bets on the winner. My money is on Clive, who reminds me of Alex in many ways but hopefully with better timekeeping.