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@Wrongcog
In fact, let's bring things back down to a sub respectable level shall we?
I just went on a holiday. Not something I really do that often, but my best pals offered my wife and I the chance to join them at a family house somewhere in the hills near Lunas in Languedoc. I immediately realised my error in not organising to take a bike when I saw the fabulous ribbons of immaculate tarmac linking infinite pretty mountain villages. In desperation I unlocked the 'cave' or flood cellar under the house and found four bikes in various states of fossilisation. On the hunt for tools I sorted myself a screw driver, a bike pump and some pliers. Three of my potential steeds were way beyond that tool kit so I turned my attention to the girls, small frame MTB:
A classy ride I'm sure you'll agree.
I couldn't get it out of the big ring so I set it up as best I could and put the saddle up, donned the free hat I got from drinking beer during the tour at LMNH and took to the black stuff.
I cruised joyously through a couple of towns linked by about 10km of undulating loveliness, got some odd looks from many, an "allez" from a fat bloke in a Renault van and several waves from a peloton of roadies pinging in the opposite direction. Loved it. Then went back to my veranda for a kilo of fromage a weak beer and a well deserved snooze in the sun. No gels consumed because I'm tougher than a badgers ball bag.