Preposterous Proclamations/Pub Philosophy

Having recently experienced some rather inept and ill-informed comments (not forum sourced, incidently) a thread for those "bloke down the pub said it, so it must be true" anecdotes and one liners.

I'll go first:

"There are two ways to break into cars - one using half a tennis ball over the lock with a quick thump will release the locks and the other is to drive into the back which sets off the airbags and automatically unlocks the car".

Ask any Scouser or Manc and they'll tell you they just use the end of a spark plug....quick sharp jab on the window and it shatters into a million pieces...