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@General_Lucifer
"The world's turning to shit. Some fucker keeps pestering my gran, messing about with her postbox. She reckons they're trying to see if she's in so they can rape her."
"Rape her? That's a bit of a wild claim, isn't it? How old is she?"
"91, but that doesn't stop some dirty bastards."
"Hmm. I suppose not. What does stop them then?"
"My dad's a bit of an inventor. He's rigged up this device that fits onto her letterbox. When someone lifts the flap it fires a shotgun cartridge right into his sick rapist face."
"Fuck me, he hasn't, has he? Not really?"
"Yeah, why not?"
"Because the first time the postie pops round to deliver her Saga holidays brochure he'll get his bollocks blown off, that's why not."
It's OK - he fitted this thing with a safety catch. All she has to do is put the safety catch on in the morning and no-one gets hurt."
"She's ninety fucking one. I bet she's all on remembering who Alan fucking Titchmarsh is or whether her husband ever came back from the fucking war! She's never gonna remember to disarm a fucking door mounted anti rapist cannon!
"Hmm. I didn't think of that. I'd better give my dad a ring."